The Elders of Oldest is a titanic, cultured nation, ruled by Zarathustra with a fair hand, and remarkable for its irreverence towards religion and absence of drug laws. The hard-working, democratic population of 10.105 billion Oldestians hold their civil and political rights very dear, although the wealthy and those in business tend to be viewed with suspicion.

The minute, liberal, outspoken government, or what there is of one, juggles the competing demands of Welfare, Healthcare, and Education. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Old Paris. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 4.7%.

The very strong Oldestian economy, worth 705 trillion pesos a year, is driven almost entirely by the private sector, which is broadly diversified and led by the Trout Farming industry, with major contributions from Beef-Based Agriculture, Book Publishing, and Tourism. Average income is 69,789 pesos, but there is a significant disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 234,281 per year while the poor average 15,426, a ratio of 15.2 to 1.

Trying to toast marshmallows in an electric fireplace just isn't the same, cotton candy made from genuine cotton cellulose doesn't quite satisfy, the distracting décor lining the roads causes multiple pile-ups, and Maxtopian tourists make expensive pilgrimages to Old Paris to enjoy their national art. Crime is a problem, probably because of the absence of a police force. Oldest's national animal is the emu, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Zoroastrianism.

Oldest is ranked 57,954^th in the world and 30^th in Pacifism for Most Cultured, scoring 70 on the Snufflebottom-Wiggendum Pentatonic Scale.