The Holy Empire of New Thornia is a colossal, efficient nation, ruled by Thørnia Wiłder with an iron fist, and notable for its pith helmet sales, infamous sell-swords, and triple-decker prams. The hard-nosed, cynical, devout population of 6.113 billion New Thornians are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The large, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Law & Order, and Spirituality. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Floriana. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 56.9%.

The powerhouse New Thornian economy, worth 570 trillion Petals a year, is fairly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with significant contributions from Beef-Based Agriculture, Tourism, and Trout Farming. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is 93,296 Petals, with the richest citizens earning 7.7 times as much as the poorest.

The new one Petal coin also makes a handy throwing-star, immersive video game experiences are interrupted by incessant disclaimer pop-ups, doctors refer to inner-cities as newbie zones, and the new foreign policy is "why bother invading neighbours when they can be bought wholesale?". Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. New Thornia's national animal is the Crow, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Roman Catholicism.

New Thornia is ranked 210,292^nd in the world and 5,175^th in the Rejected Realms for Highest Foreign Aid Spending, scoring -4.47 on the Clooney Contribution Index.