The United Holy States of Malchata is a massive, environmentally stunning nation, ruled by Supreme Authority Michael Jr with an even hand, and notable for its keen interest in outer space, compulsory military service, and stringent health and safety legislation. The compassionate, hard-working, devout population of 2.087 billion Malchatians have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and look forward to their next free and open election, to be held on an as-yet unannounced date.

The medium-sized government prioritizes Administration, although Education, Defense, and Spirituality are also considered important. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Auriville. The average income tax rate is 52.6%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The strong Malchatan economy, worth 146 trillion zrugots a year, is led by the Tourism industry, with significant contributions from Information Technology, Beef-Based Agriculture, and Cheese Exports. Average income is 70,018 zrugots, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Roadside walls are being built and mother nature is paying for it, crowds of flag-burning protesters tend to accidentally become crowds of burning protesters, the Man in the Plastic Mask has been imprisoned in the Capital Penitentiary, and heartfelt sentiments are mercilessly marketed by a million-zrugot treacle machine. Crime is almost non-existent. Malchata's national animal is the goose, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies, and its national religion is Beefism.

Malchata is ranked 49,723^rd in the world and 9^th in kingdom of Greater Esteriae for Highest Drug Use, scoring 277.92 on the Pineapple Fondness Rating.