The Sexy Funland of Hetairaea is a titanic, safe nation, ruled by President Gwen Matisch with a fair hand, and remarkable for its free-roaming dinosaurs, complete lack of prisons, and irreverence towards religion. The compassionate, hard-working, democratic, cheerful population of 16.089 billion Hetairaeans live in a state of perpetual fear, as a complete breakdown of social order has led to the rise of order through biker gangs.

The tiny, corrupt, liberal, pro-business, outspoken government juggles the competing demands of Industry, Education, and Administration. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Shangri-La. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 25.1%.

The frighteningly efficient Hetairaean economy, worth a remarkable 6,941 trillion Sauces a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Information Technology industry, with significant contributions from Tourism, Retail, and Book Publishing. Average income is an amazing 431,467 Sauces, with the richest citizens earning 5.8 times as much as the poorest.

News headlines suggest that President Gwen Matisch has a sideline in guinea pig pimping, the government keeps its thumb on the scales of justice, school lockers are filled with fancy underwear, and the combined alert sound of a nation simultaneously receiving a text message is a common cause of hearing damage. Crime is totally unknown. Hetairaea's national animal is the Succubus, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is communal loving.

Hetairaea is ranked 3,946^th in the world and 1^st in Project Snowscape for Largest Welfare Programs, scoring 7,087.07 on the Safety Net Mesh Density Rating.