The Most Serene Republic of Empty Platitudes is a colossal, efficient nation, renowned for its barren, inhospitable landscape, absence of drug laws, and suspicion of poets. The hard-working, democratic, devout population of 3.198 billion Empty Platitudesians live in a state of perpetual fear, as a complete breakdown of social order has led to the rise of order through biker gangs.

The minute, liberal, outspoken government, or what there is of one, is primarily concerned with Welfare, with Healthcare, Education, and Spirituality also on the agenda, while Environment and Law & Order are ignored. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 4.7%.

The very strong Empty Platitudesian economy, worth 221 trillion Bitcoins a year, is driven almost entirely by the private sector, which is broadly diversified and led by the Gambling industry, with significant contributions from Door-to-door Insurance Sales, Cheese Exports, and Furniture Restoration. Average income is 69,389 Bitcoins, but there is a significant disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 199,406 per year while the poor average 19,194, a ratio of 10.4 to 1.

Teenagers can't decide if they're more embarrassed by their parents or the country's leader, the jackhammer is considered a tool of artistic criticism, conversion therapy coupons are a popular present for coming of age ceremonies, and stealing from a clothesline is a serious offence. Crime is a problem, probably because of the absence of a police force. Empty Platitudes's national animal is the Turtle, which can occasionally be seen avoiding garbage in the nation's murky oceans.

Empty Platitudes is ranked 327,889^th in the world and 16^th in Save The Planet for Most Eco-Friendly Governments, scoring -8.94 on the Dolphin Recycling Awareness Index.