The Kingdom of Elsaria is a colossal, genial nation, ruled by King Blaze Sands with an iron fist, and notable for its barren, inhospitable landscape, public floggings, and stringent health and safety legislation. The compassionate, cynical population of 2.807 billion Elsarians are ruled with an iron fist by the dictatorship government, which ensures that no-one outside the party gets too rich. In their personal lives, however, citizens are relatively unoppressed; it remains to be seen whether this is because the government genuinely cares about its people, or if it hasn't gotten around to stamping out civil rights yet.

The large government juggles the competing demands of Education, Law & Order, and Defense. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of The Sands Castle. The average income tax rate is 48.0%, but much higher for the wealthy.

The large but inefficient Elsarian economy, worth 111 trillion Drachmaes a year, is led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Arms Manufacturing, Automobile Manufacturing, and Cheese Exports. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is 39,819 Drachmaes, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Seven-year-olds debate for weeks on the merits of the Oxford comma, textbooks are exactly twice as heavy as they used to be, the next election is postponed until further notice, and losing your sock key may require surgical intervention. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Elsaria's national animal is the Lion, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation, and its national religion is Ancient Mythology.

Elsaria is ranked 75,171^st in the world and 3^rd in Demigods Sanctuary for Most Cultured, scoring 68 on the Snufflebottom-Wiggendum Pentatonic Scale.