The Protectorate of Cards of Eagles 5 is a titanic, orderly nation, notable for its barren, inhospitable landscape, keen interest in outer space, and ubiquitous missile silos. The compassionate, cynical, devout population of 13.092 billion Cards of Eagles 5ians are ruled by a mostly-benevolent dictator, who grants the populace the freedom to live their own lives but watches carefully for anyone to slip up.

The medium-sized, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Administration, and Healthcare. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 49.9%.

The powerhouse Cards of Eagles 5ian economy, worth a remarkable 1,147 trillion francs a year, is fairly diversified and dominated by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with significant contributions from Soda Sales, Retail, and Gambling. Black market activity is frequent. State-owned companies are common. Average income is 87,625 francs, with the richest citizens earning 8.0 times as much as the poorest.

Homeowners on prime real estate have been seen dodging giant bulldozers with cartoon characters painted on them, citizens can be frequently spotted going about their business stark naked, more sidewalk is dedicated to animals than people, and the nation's armed forces are recruiting thousands to help colonise Brasilistan. Crime is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Cards of Eagles 5's national animal is the leopard, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation.

Cards of Eagles 5 is ranked 139,820^th in the world and 1,527^th in eta for Most Cultured, scoring 64 on the Snufflebottom-Wiggendum Pentatonic Scale.