The Too Sexy For My Keffiyeh of Captain Woodhouse is a gargantuan, orderly nation, ruled by Professor Fate with an iron fist, and remarkable for its infamous sell-swords, irreverence towards religion, and compulsory gun ownership. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless population of 25.73 billion Captain Woodhouseans are rabid consumers, partly through choice and partly because the government tells them to and dissenters tend to vanish from their homes at night.

The tiny, corrupt, pro-business, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Industry, and Education. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of The Valley of Ashes. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 1.5%.

The frighteningly efficient Captain Woodhousean economy, worth a remarkable 9,878 trillion $$s a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with significant contributions from Information Technology, Retail, and Book Publishing. Average income is an amazing 383,933 $$s, but there is a significant disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 1,194,656 per year while the poor average 94,869, a ratio of 12.6 to 1.

Several citizens have complained about scientists abducting their pets for experimentation, the moon's craters are more numerous every day, swings are now more popular than see-saws in children's playgrounds, and slavers view "what did your last slave die of" as a request for a demonstration. Crime, especially youth-related, is all-pervasive, perhaps because of the country's complete lack of prisons. Captain Woodhouse's national animal is the Death's-head hawkmoth, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Aubrey-Maturinism.

Captain Woodhouse is ranked 286,792^nd in the world and 2^nd in BLITZKRIEG for Highest Food Quality, scoring 4.37 on the Meeshlin-Starr Index.