The United Archipelago of Abersiania is a massive, orderly nation, ruled by Captain Haug with an iron fist, and renowned for its lack of airports, ubiquitous missile silos, and frequent executions. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 3.184 billion Abersianians are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The large, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Law & Order, and Healthcare. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Schoefengen. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 62.0%.

The Abersianian economy, worth 294 trillion Abersianian Pounds a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is an enormous, deeply entrenched, highly specialized black market in Arms Manufacturing, Uranium Mining, and Woodchip Exports. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is 92,468 Abersianian Pounds, with the richest citizens earning 7.2 times as much as the poorest.

Concert pianists lie about their occupation to avoid ridicule, political visitors are forced to stop ten paces from Captain Haug's throne, employees who skip lunch to avoid sub-par cafeteria food risk getting fired, and exceptionally healthy police officers can sprint after crooks for hours on end. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Abersiania's national animal is the Abersian Bull, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests.

Abersiania is ranked 46,446^th in the world and 103^rd in Concord for Lowest Crime Rates, with 75.27 law-abiding acts per hour.