Option One:“These damn weeds are out of control!” shouts the nation’s leading basket-weaving magnate, who insists on being called the Basketcase. “They’ve completely destroyed my bamboo crop and are overrunning everything else! The government needs to back off with these pesticide regulations and let us handle this problem ourselves.”

Option Two:“For once, I agree with my money-grubbing colleague here — in theory,” replies your constantly overlooked Minister of the Environment, Nuru Baldwin. “However, I disagree in methodology. All those nasty pesticides and chemicals would do colossal and irreversible damage to the environment. How about we set up a jobs program to remove the weeds and reseed the earth? It’ll be a little costly, but hey, we’ll be helping the environment and tackling unemployment! Talk about killing two leopards with one stone!”

Option Three:“Eureka!” exclaims drug dealer-turned-scientist Tanya Gilligan. “Bigtopian Balsam’s growth is astounding! Imagine if we utilized their genes for other crops, like wheat or corn? We could plant and harvest it within a month, feeding all of These Matrices. That means no more importing foodstuffs from other countries! There might be a tiny chance of psychotropic side-effects, but that’s nothing compared to the economic benefits!”

Option Four:“Use the genes for food? HA!” laughs controversial military scientist Blake Mistletoe who, for some odd reason, has been by your side since the beginning. “Bigtopian Balsam is the perfect bio-weapon that can wipe out our enemies’ agriculture! Our extensive research shows that Bigtopian Balsam has been successful in the ‘accidental’ contamination of a few localized sites. We need more funding to begin immediate construction of a payload delivery system and your authorization for its approval. There’s no chance of retaliation either — our enemies will be too doped up to care!”