The State of Patapsci is a gargantuan, efficient nation, remarkable for its complete lack of prisons, complete absence of social welfare, and spontaneously combusting cars. The hard-nosed, hard-working, democratic population of 38.315 billion Patapscians live in a state of perpetual fear, as a complete breakdown of social order has led to the rise of order through biker gangs.

The minute, liberal, pro-business, outspoken government, or what there is of one, prioritizes Industry, although Education is also considered important, while Social Policy and Spirituality are ignored. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Capital Heights. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 4.8%.

The very strong Patapscian economy, worth a remarkable 1,646 trillion betales a year, is driven almost entirely by the private sector, which is quite specialized and led by the Gambling industry, with significant contributions from Basket Weaving, Pizza Delivery, and Automobile Manufacturing. Average income is 42,973 betales, but there is a vast disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 292,168 per year while the poor average 2,309, a ratio of 126 to 1.

A large-scale revitalization of the education system is underway, the tenet of free speech is held dear, citizens are allowed to rise or fall based on their own merits, and Patapsci has designated Capital Heights as its capital city. Crime is a major problem, perhaps because of the country's complete lack of prisons. Patapsci's national animal is the deer, which can occasionally be seen sifting through garbage in the nation's cities.

Patapsci is ranked 263,172^nd in the world and 640^th in Ancient Lands for Most Patriotic, with 1.11 flags saluted per person per day.