The Grand Kingdom of Mlociniakik is a massive, efficient nation, ruled by Erik Amstutz with an even hand, and notable for its complete lack of prisons, irreverence towards religion, and devotion to social welfare. The hard-nosed, hard-working population of 1.578 billion Mlocikians have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and take part in free and open elections, although not too often.

The medium-sized government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Education, and Administration. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Derfin. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 58.1%.

The frighteningly efficient Mlocikian economy, worth 195 trillion Shomgles a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with major contributions from Book Publishing, Tourism, and Information Technology. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an impressive 123,855 Shomgles, with the richest citizens earning 8.3 times as much as the poorest.

Some people will do literally anything to be in the spotlight, children as young as eight can present logical proofs for the existence of the afterlife, politicians have to be granted day-release from prison to speak on bills, and criminals are thrown to the Horses to repay their debt to society. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown. Mlociniakik's national animal is the Horse, which can occasionally be seen sifting through garbage in the nation's cities, and its national religion is Mlakinism.

Mlociniakik is ranked 284,509^th in the world and 142^nd in Palatine for Highest Unexpected Death Rate, scoring 22.17 on the Bus Surprisal Index.