WA Delegate (non-executive): The Community of Jute (elected )

Founder: The Sleeping Giant of Shizensky

Last WA Update:

Board Activity History Admin Rank

Most Influential: 489th Most Nations: 504th Most World Assembly Endorsements: 799th+17
Most Devout: 1,212th Largest Black Market: 1,243rd Most Eco-Friendly Governments: 1,388th Most Beautiful Environments: 1,499th Best Weather: 1,580th Most Cultured: 1,836th Most Advanced Public Education: 1,836th Most Extensive Public Healthcare: 1,873rd Most Rebellious Youth: 1,936th Most Corrupt Governments: 2,086th Highest Economic Output: 2,264th Highest Food Quality: 2,341st Most Advanced Public Transport: 2,419th Healthiest Citizens: 2,520th Smartest Citizens: 2,572nd Largest Information Technology Sector: 2,670th Most Inclusive: 2,749th
World Factbook Entry

Welcome to the Renegade Islands Alliance!

Founded in 2004, commended in 2015!

We are the free and the fearless. We are the Shield and the Law. We are Renegades.

LinkDiscord | LinkForum | LinkCitizenship | LinkCitizens' Congress | LinkRegional Map
Join the World Assembly and endorse Delegate Jute
  • New to the RIA? Welcome! Introduce yourself on the RMB. and feel free to look over the helpful handbook we've prepared.

  • Visiting the RIA? Apply for Linkambassador status, check our Linkembassy requirements, and join us on LinkDiscord!

  • Current Events: The February Phoenix Council is in full swing. Let your voice be heard on Discord, the RMB, and the forums.

  1. 14

    Things to Do in the RIA

    MetaGameplay by Shizensky . 1,122 reads.

  2. 2,270

    NationStates Guide

    MetaReference by Amerion . 95,781 reads.

  3. 3

    The Constitution of the Renegade Islands Alliance

    FactbookPolitics by Shizensky . 443 reads.

  4. 26

    Why We Fight - The Renegade Islands Alliance Special Forces

    MetaGameplay by Shizensky . 810 reads.

  5. 4

    The Timothian Dispatches

    BulletinPolicy by Timothia . 285 reads.

▼ 2 More

Embassies: 10000 Islands, Mordor, the Rejected Realms, Texas, Wintreath, International Northwestern Union, Nasicournia, The Order of the Grey Wardens, Gay, The European Union, European Union, The Alterran Republic, and Atlantis.

Tags: Commended, Defender, Democratic, Featured, Game Player, Liberal, Map, Medium, Modern Tech, National Sovereigntist, Offsite Chat, Offsite Forums, and 3 others.Regional Government, Role Player, and Social.

Regional Power: Moderate

Renegade Islands Alliance contains 33 nations, the 504th most in the world.

Today's World Census Report

The Smartest Citizens in Renegade Islands Alliance

The World Census eavesdropped on conversations in coffee shops, on campuses, and around cinemas in order to determine which nations have the most quick-witted, insightful, and knowledgeable citizens.

As a region, Renegade Islands Alliance is ranked 2,572nd in the world for Smartest Citizens.

1.The Community of JuteLeft-wing Utopia“Life is hard, but worth it”
2.The Republic of UtopianstateCivil Rights Lovefest“For a better tomorrow”
3.The Sleeping Giant of ShizenskyNew York Times Democracy“Esse Quam Videri”
4.The Multiverse of The Unified Terran CoalitionFather Knows Best State“Audemus Coalitio nostrum defendere!”
5.The Holy Subcontinental Union of FinRusslandInoffensive Centrist Democracy“хува пайва”
6.The United Socialist States of DaggriaDemocratic Socialists“Perservere, hold fast, soar higher.”
7.The Federal Republic of BentriaLeft-Leaning College State“Simul Nos Firmiores”
8.The Kingdom of Kingdom of HeliumPsychotic Dictatorship“We work we strive for success”
9.The Republic of StroskaanalLeft-wing Utopia“Strength Through Compliance”
10.The Grand Reich of RivetiFather Knows Best State“Freedom is a lie, told to chain the masses.”

Regional Happenings


Renegade Islands Alliance Regional Message Board


The Unending Sitcom of Izonno

Nice to see some RMB RP back here.

The 1919 License Plate of Pensyltuckee Island

*Meanwhile, in northwest Pen City.....*
*A BMW with a broken headlight pulls up to a small brick office building.*
*Erik gets out and walks inside.*
*The interior looks like it's straight out of the 1920s or 30s.*
*There's a woman typing away at a typewriter.*
Woman: *looks up* "Howdy, how can I help ya?"
Erik: "Hi, I'm here to see Lonnie Bowman."
Woman: "Oh, alrighty. Right this way." *leads him down a hallway* *pokes her head into a room* "Someone's here to see you."
Lonnie: *has a pump shotgun disassembled on his desk* *cleaning the trigger assembly with a cotton swab* "Oh! You must be Erik." *shakes his hand*
Erik: "Nice to meet you."
Lonnie: "You as well. I understand you're here from FinRussland and are looking for to buy some, uh." *picks up a piece of paper* "Office supplies and.... corn."
Erik: *nods* "Yes sir."
Lonnie: "Well.... our records oughtta be accurate, but best way is to go down there and check 'em out in person. Ya alright with that?"
Erik: "That should be fine."
Lonnie: "Alrighty." *picks a keychain off a hook on the wall* "We'll take my car."
*They go outside and hop in a 1980 Lincoln Continental.*
*A short while later....*
*They're going down a stretch of road that's winding through a bunch of fields.*
*They pass by a fairly large grain elevator.*
Lonnie: "I believe this is one of the elevators we'll be a-emptyin'. This elevator's mighty full.... Each one a those bins holds 30,000 bushels a corn. About 18 bins in this one if I remember right."
Erik: "I think we're supposed to get about 4 million bushels total?"
Lonnie: "We'll be pullin' outta most the grain elevators round this area....." *takes a left turn* "Yessir, been a pretty good few years of harvest. Got a lotta surplus. Don't hardly know what to do with it." *laughs*
*Something catches Erik's eye off in the distance.*
Erik: *stares at it as they get closer*
*There is a massive pile of garbage next to about 100 shipping containers, all with their doors open and filled with garbage also.*
*There are about 200 cars and trucks pulled up and lots of people digging through the garbage or loading things into their vehicles.*
Erik: "Is that... the Pen City dump?"
Lonnie: "Oh... kind of? There ain't really an official dump for Pen City. There's lotsa unofficial dumps. But that's actually our dump that's filled with stuff from other nations."
Erik: *looks back* "What?"
Lonnie: "Yessir. Some nations, we'll actually buy some of their trash for real cheap. They don't wanna deal with it. So we buy it from em and ship it here. And then we plunder through it and take them plastics and metals and whatnot and reuse it to make stuff. And I mean, we also got a lotta folks who come just a lookin for stuff to use. Charge em a small fee, but then they can take whatever they can haul away. There's one feller by the name a, I believe it was Michael something. From a little bit west a here. He built a good solid brick house, a 2nd house. He already had a house. On his property for his kinfolk to stay when they visit. He didn't buy a single brick for that house. Found it all in some construction garbage. Pensyltuckians ain't afeared to get our hands dirty."
Erik: *looks back at the mound of garbage, which is almost big enough to resemble one of the mountains nearby* "Interesting...."
Lonnie: "I'm surprised you ain't heard of this."
Erik: "Not really talked about, I guess..."
*A short while later.....*
*The Continental pulls up to a fenced lot filled with shipping containers.*
*There's a man sitting in a booth, packing a can of dip with a shotgun slung over his back. The song "Cold Sheets of Rain" is playing on a radio in the background.*
Lonnie: *rolls down the window* "Howdy Ben."
Ben: "Mornin' Lonnie."
Lonnie: "Just showin' this feller from FinRussland some a the inventory we got. Make sure we got what they're a-needin'."
Ben: *pushes a button which slowly starts opening the gate* *reaches behind the wall and pulls something out* "Y'all want some sugar cookies? Clarice made pert near a hundred of these."
Lonnie: "Why, sure." *takes several cookies out of the glass jar* "Thank ya Ben."
Ben: "You're welcome."
Lonnie: *hands Erik 3 of the cookies* *drives into the lot and parks*
Lonnie: *walks to a very small shack while eating a cookie, unlocks the door, and sticks his hand inside* *pulls out a clipboard and looks at it* "These twenty... two containers oughtta be full a printer paper." *walks over and opens one of them up and looks inside* *closes it*
Erik: "Perfect."
Lonnie: *pulls out the paper from his office* "Looks like y'all need 21 and we got 22 currently... What else....." *looks back at the paper he brought from his office* *squints a little* *looks back at Erik* "Good lord, why in the world do y'all need 200 40 footer containers a pencils?"
Erik: *shrugs*
Lonnie: "We ain't got that much in stock..... Ain't been selling too many pencils this year...... Til now I guess. Hahahaha.... hmm.... I'm gonna have to call the factory when we get back.... Tell em to ramp up pencil production.... by a lot......"
Erik: "How long will that take?"
Lonnie: "Shoot, few weeks probably....."
Erik: "We're supposed to get this shipment in a month."
Lonnie: *walks back to the booth* "Ben, call up the pencil factory. Tell them Lonnie says starting now, we need all hands on deck for at least the next week and that I'll call them in about an hour with more details and have Nancy type up and send over the paperwork soon."
Ben: "10-4." *holds up a thumbs up and then begins dialing on a rotary phone*
Lonnie: *looks back at Erik* "Don't worry, we'll get 'er done. I'll getcha copies of the paperwork also." *looks back at the paper* "Wite Out. We got some a that in the back, I believe." *starts walking*
*At the end of the day.....*
Erik: *pulls up back at his house*
*notices Natasha's car is not there* "Natasha and Ivan should be back by now..... I'm sure they'll be here soon..." *gets out and goes inside* *lays down a small stack of papers on his desk and opens up his laptop* *opens up Google Chrome so he can send an email back to FinRussland* "No Internet?" *walks to the closet where the modem is* *sighs*
*The cord has been chewed through by a mouse.*
Erik: "Great...." *holds up the broken cord* "I wonder if someone around here could reconnect these wires..... Definitely can't get a new one....."

*Meanwhile, somewhere just outside of Springfield........*
*It is the middle of the night.*
Natasha: *thinking to self* "Springfield's not a bad little town..... Little underdeveloped just like the rest of this country, but there's some nice shops and restaurants." *looking around* "This is definitely not the road we took to get up here...."
GPS: "You have reached your destination." Natasha: "What?!" *looks at the GPS, which shows that they're back at 210 Deer Creek Rd in Pen City* *looks around outside*
*There is nothing but trees.*
Ivan: "Mom, where are we?"
Natasha: "Don't worry, Mom's gonna get us home." *mutters to self as she turns the GPS off* "Stupid thing must be broken." *looks around* *thinkis to self* "I haven't seen any people or buildings for like half an hour.... I'm sure we'll see someone soon who can point us in the right direction..." *continues driving*
*A short while later, the car runs into a mud puddle in the road and gets stuck.*
Natasha: "Come on......" *steps on the gas to try to get the car unstuck but only digs herself deeper* *sighs* *thinks for a moment* "Ivan, get in the driver's seat when I get out and step on the gas when I tell you to." *opens the door and begins to step out to see if she can push the car out, before quickly pulling her leg back in when she realizes that the mud puddle is fairly deep* *sighs* "Okay, maybe not." *wipes off her leg with some napkins and tosses them out the window* *sighs* "Ivan, looks like we're gonna have to wait."
*A pack of coyotes crosses the road a short distance ahead.*
*A short time later.....*
Ivan: *playing a game on his phone* "Mom, my phone's about to die."
Natasha: *begins looking around the car* "Shoot, I forgot to bring a charger... sorry." *leans back in the seat* "Don't worry, someone will come by soon and help us."
*Ivan and Natasha gradually fall asleep as the night rolls on.*
*The next day.....*
*It is sometime late in the afternoon and no one has come down the road yet.*
*Natasha and Ivan are looking around in the woods nearby to see if there's anything they could eat since both of them are starving.*
Ivan: "Can we eat these?" *points at a bush with a bunch of dried out berries*
Natasha: "No, remember. Our neighbor Mrs. Stanley said those won't kill you but they will make you so sick you'll wish you were dead."
Ivan: "Okay". *takes one more step and then accidently steps on a timber rattlesnake*
*It lunges for his leg, but misses.*
Ivan: "Ah!!!!" *quickly steps back as the snake lunges again* *trips and falls over*
Natasha: "Ivan!!!" *quickly runs over and bashes in the snake's head with a tree branch*
Ivan: *on the ground, breathing heavily*
Natasha: "Are you okay?"
Ivan: *nods his head* *looks at the snake* "Can we.... eat that?"
Natasha: "That's a poisonous snake."
Ivan: "One of the McCrackens said cut the head off and it's okay because all the poison's in the head."
Natasha: *looks at it* "We don't have a fire or anything to cook it with."
Ivan: *pulls out a lighter*
Natasha: "Where did you get that?"
Ivan: "Uh......"
Natasha: "I thought I'd been smelling cigarette smoke on you. Ivan, me and your father already had a talk with you about how smoking is bad. You are way way way way too young to even be thinking about doing this!!"
Ivan: "Yeah, but this means we can cook the snake."
Natasha: "When we get back, you are grounded. No computer, no phone for you."
Ivan: "But there's literally nothing in my room here!!"
Natasha: "Good, maybe you'll learn your lesson. And I especially don't want you hanging out with that Putnam boy anymore. I wish I had known about that sooner. What kind of parents let their 10 year old son smoke cigarettes...." *looks back at the dead snake* "Let's... look around some more for some food...."
*An hour later......*
Natasha: *sitting on a log next to a fire they made on the side of the road* "Not.... bad...."
Ivan: "It's like chicken, but with fish bones in it."
Natasha: *looks at the cut up bits of snake on a wooden rack over the fire and then at the pair of scissors she used to cut up the snake* *looks up at the evening sky* "God, I hope someone comes soon."
*Early the next morning......*
"Tink, tink, tink."
Natasha: *slowly opens her eyes* "AAAHH!!!"
*There is a scraggly old man standing there tapping on the window and a young boy with a flintlock rifle on his lap sitting on a horse drawn wagon a short distance behind him loaded up with what appears to be part of a moonshine still.*
Natasha: *quickly tries to calm down and slowly rolls down the window as she clutches her chest* "Oh my god, you scared me!"
Man: "Sorry about that, miss. What might y'all be a-doin up this a ways?"
Natasha: "Oh, we just, uh, we just got lost."
Man: "What I wanna know is... how did y'all get all the way up here on Dyer Ridge? There ain't hardly nobody up here besides me and my kinfolk. Ain't never seen no far-run folks up here especially."
Natasha: "We were going back to Pen City from Springfield and the GPS gave us the wrong directions."
Man: "The who gave you the wrong directions?"
Natasha: "It's a.... Oh... nevermind. Can you get us some help?"
Man: "Why, sure. My old horse ain't got the power to pull y'all out, but I can sure find someone who can."  
Natasha: *shakes Ivan* "Ivan, wake up."
Ivan: *slowly wakes up*
Natasha: "Come on, this man's gonna take us to town and get somebody to pull us out." *opens the door and gets out*
Earl: *gets up in the seat of the wagon* "Name's Earl by the way."
Natasha: *gets in the back of the wagon* "Natasha. And this is my son Ivan."
Earl: "Pleased to meet y'all." *lightly pulls on the reins and signals the horse to go* "This is my grandson. He's one of them what you call deaf folks. He can't hardly hear nothin. Used to be he could hear, but his ma got blowed up in a moonshine explosion when he was 3 and I reckon he was close enough 'at it'd blowed out his eardrums but didn't harm him none besides that. Well... and that scar on his arm. Ever since then, we just started callin' him Deafy. On account of his being deaf. Don't even rightly remember his real name to be completely honest with you."
Natasha: "Is that what this is?"
Earl: "Is that what what is?"
Natasha: *points at the still*
Earl: "Oh, that ain't for moonshine. We're fixin' to go down to the ocean and boil us some salt."
Ivan: "Boil salt?"
Earl: "Yessir, young man. Load er up with ocean water and put it over a far. Boil the water off and you got salt."
Natasha: "Huh."
*Deafy pours some black powder in the flashpan of the flintlock rifle and quickly cocks and raises the gun.*
*Natasha and Ivan cover their ears as sparks and a giant smoke cloud shoots out the end of the gun.*
*A squirrel falls off of a tree in the distance.*
*Deafy hops off the wagon and runs into the woods to retrieve it.*
Earl: "Damn good shot that boy is." *looks at Natasha* "Y'all hungry? There's some cornbread and jerky in them coffee cans if you want it."
*Natasha and Ivan quickly grab the metal coffee cans, pop the lids off, and begin eating.*
Earl: "Gosh almighty, y'all must've been starvin."
Natasha: *takes a bite of jerky* "A little." *eats some cornbread and then takes another bite of jerky* "What meat is this?"
Earl: "Coon."
Natasha: "Oh........."
*About an hour later.......*
Earl: "I think I see somebody..... oh, I ain't seen this feller in a while."
*A 1970 Dodge D300 coming from the other direction stops.*
Earl: "Mornin' Dan."
Dan: "Earl Dyer. Ain't seen you in a while. How've you been?"
Earl: "Oh, same as always, pretty much. Not much goes on up on my ridge, you know that. Ellie's daughter. You remember her, you last seen her when she was about a year old. Well, she's a walkin and a talkin now. Besides that, same as always. Just fixin to go down to the ocean and get us some salt. How about yourself?"
Dan: "About the same. Don't hardly nothin change in my life..... Just headin' up this a way since Gary Martin said a big big big old walnut tree fell down somewhere up here and I figured I might could make me a walnut table or something."
Earl: "Oh, yeah, just up the road here. Take a right at the creek. Right on the left there."
Dan: "Oh, perfect. Thank you. Say, you wouldn't happen to have some beans, would you? My supply is runnin a might low. Oughtta start growing my own more often. Don't know why I don't. Ain't that hard. Trade ya lead for some."
Earl: "Of course I do. Plenty. Just run on up to the house, Corbin oughtta be there."
Dan: "Sounds good."
Earl: "Well, anyhow. Dan, this is Natasha and Ivan from FinRussland. Their automobile got stuck way up yander on my ridge. Think you could get them pulled out?"
Dan: "Why, sure. What were y'all a-doin' way up there though?"
Earl: "That's what I said. Ain't hardly nobody goes up thataway. She said some feller gave them the wrong directions."
Dan: *looks confused* "What feller?"
Natasha: "Oh, not a feller, err, person. A GPS."
Dan: *looks confused* "I don't know nobody with the name GPS. Them the initials or something?"
Natasha: "No, it's not a person. It's a-"
Dan: "Oh! Ain't that one of them computerized thingamajiggers that's supposed to tell you where to go?"
Natasha: *nods*
Dan: "Ah. Do those things work round here?"
Natasha: "It did. Until yesterday. Or... I guess 2 days ago."
Dan: *laughs* "Why, sure, of course I can pull y'all out. Come on, hop on in."
*Natasha and Ivan get off and hop in the truck.*
Earl: "Good luck!"
Dan: "Good seein ya again, Earl."
Earl: "You too."
Dan: *drives off* "Either a y'all want a Buck Cola?" *points to a small cooler on the floor*
*The radio is playing in the background.*
Ivan: "Yes sir." *opens it, takes a can out, and takes a sip*
Natasha: *takes one out also*
Ivan: "I hope Dad's not too worried."
Dan: "Well, how long y'all been out here?"
Natasha: "2 days."
Dan: "Oh, I'm sure-"
Radio: "And that was the song "Mordecai" by Josh Williams. This just in. Pen City Police have received reports of a missing foreign woman and her child who are believed to be somewhere in the Springfield area. You're asked to be on the lookout for a fancy white automobile with FinRussland plates. She is 5 foot, 6 with brown hair and-"
Dan: "Oh, maybe not. Hahaha."
Natasha: "Oh, great....." *shakes her head and takes a sip of the Buck Cola*

The 1919 License Plate of Pensyltuckee Island

Tea party separation of america wrote:I really had to do a double take. Kind of surprised me to see such a familiar RMB... and familiar countries

Welcome back.

The Holy Subcontinental Union of FinRussland

Erik decided to try the dump for internet cables, figuring that plastic coated metal wires were something that many nations only pretended to separate and recycle properly.
He had a good memory and after following the route Lonnie had taken, the trash mountain was soon in view.
"Alright then, I wonder if there is any sort of system... These Pen Islanders may be behind in tech but they're sure organised after all."
Despite it being twilight, the area remained well lit, the headlights of many cars serving instead of floodlights.
This just served to highlight to Erik just how much several hundred shipping containers can actually carry (a lot).
"Hi there, name's Hannikevich, looking for some wires or cables or similar, could you perhaps help me out?"
The man he spoke to turned and shook the hand Erik had reached out.
"Sure thing, it'll be next to the rope I'm after. Name's Dan"
As they climbed up the stairs someone had made out of old boxes, stepladders and chairs, they began chatting.
Dan: "so what d'ya need this stuff for anyways?"
Erik: "My internet broke and I need a connection back home for my work. What about yourself?"
Dan: "Huh, right. I need a tree's worth of rope, a friend tol' me about a big big ol' walnut that went down and I figure I could make something from it."
Erik: "I've been told walnut is good for tables, whereabouts is this tree?"
Dan: "Out past Springfield over by Dyers Ridge, you want a piece?"
Erik: "Thanks, but we don't have much space at home. Say, my wife and son went to Springfield and they aren't back home yet, if you see a lost looking brunette, could you give her directions?"
Dan: "Sure! I'll keep an eye out"

They headed back to their cars and homes, having found (much quicker than Erik was expecting) what they were looking for.
On seeing that Natasha's car was still not there, Erik began to worry in earnest.
10.30PM "GPS would never work in the trees and lanes, there's just no coverage there... She'll be fine, people here are friendly."
11PM "Perhaps the car broke down and she's staying the night somewhere with Ivan, yes that must be it."
11.30PM "Maybe I should call the police just in case."
Erik's concern got the better of him, and with no work left to occupy him he rang the police.
"Hi, this is a recording, it's late and we've gone home for the day. Please try again in the morning, we should be in around 5 or 6"
Erik hung up in disbelief that the police didn't work 24 hours in the capital city, despite this being Pen Island.

The next day was a Saturday leaving Erik with once again very little to do except pace up and down and worry.
Finally he made up his mind on a course of action, driving down to the nearest police station.
Erik: "Good morning, I need to make a missing persons report, what do I have to do?"
Officer: "Woah there buddy, slow down. At least you remembered the 'good morning' haha! Alright, who's missing?"
Erik: "My wife Natasha and my son Ivan. They were in a white car, a Mercedes, with FinRussian plates. She's about 5'6" with brow-"
Officer: "My pen can only go so fast buddy, hold on. Fancy white car, FinRuskie plates. 5 foot 6ish brown hair. When and where d'ya last see her?"
Erik: "Yesterday, they went to Springfield and they haven't come home, or called, or anything. Ivan's blonde like me and about 5", they were weari-"
Officer, putting pen and paper to one side: "Oookay buddy. It's only been one night and phones don't always work. Weather's nice, there's no need to panic yet. Come by tomorrow if you still ain't heard anything."
Erik: "But.... No, you're right I'm probably worrying too much, perhaps they decided to stay in Springfield overnight"
Officer: "Sure, and if not there then camping in the car, shooting some game and having a nice hot meal"
Erik: "Oh, well they don't have guns so I doubt that, haha"
The officer's tone suddenly goes serious: "No guns? Are ya crazy vegans or something? What'll they do 'bout snakes or coyotes? I'll get this form to the radio station right away buddy"
Erik: "Thank you so much!"

The 1919 License Plate of Pensyltuckee Island

*Meanwhile, just outside of Pen City......*
*A 1953 Chevy 210 pulls up to an unusually large warehouse with a sign that says 'PITCO Automobile Parts Direct: Parts for PITCO, International, GM, Ford, Chrysler, AMC, Patriot, and More!'.*
Erik: "Will they have a headlight for a 2018 BMW here?"
Marvin McCracken: "Well.... I don't rightly know. But they got parts for pert near everything."
*They get out of the car and walk inside.* Young woman sitting at a desk: "Howdy. What can I help you find today?"
Marvin McCracken: "Mornin' Amber. Well, lookin' fer 2 things today. Need a fan belt for a '80 F-150 with the 4.9, 6 cylinder."
Amber: "Well, all the fan belts'll be bout the middle of aisle 29. Since when did you have a 1980 F-150?"
Marvin: "Oh, I bought it purdy recently offa this feller up in Dougal County by the name a, I believe it was Tom.. McNairy. Don't hardly run at the moment. Gonna give it to my littlest boy and help teach him some about workin on vehicles and whatnot. But that old fan belt just about turned into dust when I tried crankin it over first."
Amber: "Tom McNairy? In Dougal County? I think my cousin courted his daughter for a while."
Marvin: "What happened?"
Amber: "Oh, my cousin had a little too much brandy, fell asleep on the railroad, and got runned over by a train."
Marvin: "Oh!"
Amber: "Eh, I never did like him much anyhow. There was one time when he poured a buncha pine tar on my hair when I was asleep at grandma's and she had to shave my head plumb bald. Never did live that down. I'm surprised you ain't never hearda his gettin hit by the train. Was pretty big news a while back."
Marvin: "I don't rightly know."
Amber: "What else was it you were a-needin'?"
Marvin: "It was, uh...a headlight for a... what was it?"
Erik: "A 2018 BMW 3 Series."
Amber: *blankly stares at him* "Do what?"
Erik: "A 2018 BMW."
Amber: "BMW? Like, one of them far-run cars?"
Erik: "Yes ma'am."
Amber: "Uh............" *turns around and begins looking at the binders on the shelf behind her* "Ain't got no catalog for no BMW..... Unless..... miscellaneous parts maybe?"
Erik: "Miscellaneous parts?"
Amber: *grabs a binder from the very end of the very long shelf* "Yeah, we manufacture or rebuild most of what we sell here. But sometimes we'll receive random parts in shipments for whatever reason or if someone brings something in that we don't know what it is... All that goes to miscellaneous parts." *opens it up and flips through it*
Amber: *raises her eyebrows* "We... do."
Erik: *extremely surprised* "You do?"
Amber: "We do." *looks closer at the paper in the binder* "BMW 3 Series?"
Erik: *nods head*
Amber: "Driver or passenger side?"
Erik: "Passenger."
Amber: "That's the one we got." *shuts the binder* "It'll be way over yander in the back area."
Erik: "Okay, thank you!"
*About 10 minutes later.....*
Erik: *looks at the "Miscellaneous Parts" area which is big enough that a several 18 wheelers could fit in it*
Marvin: "I'll go over and look in this area."
Erik: "Okay, I'll look over here."
*He begins looking through the shelves for a headlight that looks like it could be a BMW's.*
*A few minutes later....*
"Say, don't I know you?"
Erik: *turns his head*
Dan: *standing there, holding a taillight and a section of hose, and drinking a Buck Cola*
Erik: "Oh! Hello!"
Dan: "Your wife and kid make it home alright?"
Erik: "Yes they did."
Dan: "Good to hear. What are you here for?"
Erik: "Headlight for my car. A 2018 BMW 3 Series."
Dan: "A what?"
Erik: "BMW."
Dan: "They got parts for that here?"
Erik: "Apparently, yes. They have a headlight here in miscellaneous parts. I just have to find it."
Dan: "Well, I'll be..." *something catches his eye* *looks up* "Marvin McCracken?"
Marvin: *holding a headlight* "Dan? Good lord, it's been a minute or 2."
Erik: *looks back and forth* "You 2 know each other?"
Marvin: "Yes sir. He used to work at the paper mill. How do you 2 know each other?"
Dan: "Ran into him at that dump. He was a-lookin for some sorta cable for his computer deal. And then later, I pulled his wife and kid outta the mud close to Springfield."
Marvin: "Oh, I didn't know that the Dan y'all'd runned into was this Dan."
Erik: *looks bewildered* "It seems like everybody knows everybody here."
Dan: "Oh, not hardly. Don't know everybody, but I reckon I probably know enough folks that all the folks I know probably know all the other folks in Pensyltuckee that I don't know."
Marvin: *nods his head in agreement* "I reckon also." "Oh! Also." *lifts up the headlight* "Found it." *hands it to Erik*
Erik: *takes it* *looks at the label* "Yeah, BMW 3 Series. This looks right." *looks at the price* *His eyes open wide.* "That's cheaper than a candy bar at the supermarket..........."
Marvin: "Yeah, I reckon we oughtta be able to get er in there. Ought not be too hard." *looks at Dan* "You got whatcha needed? That for your Dodge?"
Dan: *nods his head* "All except a fan belt."
Marvin: "Oh, that's what I also need."
Dan: "For your Chevverlay?"
Marvin: "No sir. 1980 F-150."
Dan: "Since when did you have a 1980 F-150?"
*The 3 of them start walking towards aisle 29.*

Post self-deleted by Pensyltuckee Island.

The 1919 License Plate of Pensyltuckee Island

*Meanwhile, on a tributary of the Pensyltuckee River known as Crockett Creek.....*
*Marvin McCracken, his daughter Mary Ann, and Ivan are sitting in a motorized jonboat fairly close to the bank with a line tied to a tree on shore.*
Marvin: "Gimme another head outta that there bucket."
*Ivan pulls a bluegill head out of a steel bucket on the floor.*
Marvin: *sticks it on a hook attached to the line along with about 50 other heads-on-hooks* "Mary Ann, you got the last bit a that thing untangled?" *pulls a Johnson Beer out of a cooler and opens it up*
Mary Ann: "Almost pa......" *messing around with several feet of line*
Ivan: "Mom won't like how I smell when I get back."
Marvin: "Don't you worry none about that. Little soap and water and scrubbin and you'll be right as rain. Ain't that right, Mary Ann?"
Mary Ann: "Yessir, pa." *gets the last knot out* "Got it!!"
Marvin: "Good job!" *turns the motor on* *slowly starts crossing the river* "Ivan, just slowly let the line out. Make sure the lines don't get all jumbled up. You wanna little bitta slack, but not too much. Another way to do this to set the mainline out first and then tie the droplines on later. Easier to make sure they don't get all twisted together that a way. But I already tied this one all up, so there ain't no sense in makin another one." *pulls up to the other side of the river* "Remember that knot I taught you?"
Ivan: *begins tying off the end of the line to a tree branch* "Uh..." *trying to figure out which way the knot goes*
Mary Ann: "Other way."
Ivan: "Oh." *finishes the knot*
Marvin: "Perfect! So that there's how you set a trotline to catcha a whole messa catfish...." *turns to Ivan* "Y'all got catfish in FinRussland?"
Ivan: "I don't know. I never went fishing back home. My 1st time was when you took me to that pond."
Marvin: "Ain't never been fishin til then? Gosh almighty, you poor thing.... Well, once you get back there, now ya know what to do."
Ivan: "That will be in a few days."
Marvin: "Do what now?"
Ivan: "We're going back in like 4 days."
Marvin: "Why, shoot, y'all are a-fixin to leave in 4 days? Your pa already get all them missing shipments figured out?"
Ivan: "I don't know, dad doesn't talk to me much about work."
Marvin: "Gosh, y'all oughtta come over for one last meal before y'all take off."
Ivan: "That's what mom and dad are thinking als-look!" *points at a dropline that's shaking around*
Marvin: "Well, that was quick. Grab it and pull it in!
Ivan: *grabs the line and begins pulling*
Mary Ann: *quickly grabs the last bit of line out of the water, pulls the 4 lbish catfish into the boat, and uses a pair of pliers to unhook it*
Marvin: "Now that'll fry up good." *grins* *takes a big gulp of his Johnson Beer*
*A few hours later, in downtown Pen City......*
*A 1953 Chevy 210 is cruising through downtown Pen City with a jonboat on a trailer behind it.*
Mary Ann: *sitting in the passenger seat* "Turn left here. Remember to use your turn signal."
Ivan: *sitting in the driver's seat* *carefully steps on the brake pedal and stops behind a 1994 Silverado at a stop light* "Why do I have to drive if you know how to drive?"
Mary Ann: *opens up a Buck Cola* "Gotta learn sometime. Plus you said you wanted to learn." *takes a sip*
*The light turns green and Ivan slowly turns left after seeing that there's no cars coming from the other direction.*
*He then almost clips a 1960 Studebaker Champ that's parked in a diagonal parking spot.*
Mary Ann: *laughs* "How're you ever gonna drive in Helpinky-Undergrad if ya cain't even handle Pen City?" *looks in the mirror at the trailer* "Maybe we might should have dropped 'at trailer off at the house first.." *shrugs*
*Marvin McCracken is lying in the back seat, passed out drunk.*
*2 minutes later.....*
*A 1975 Ford LTD with Pen City Police painted on the side pulls up behind them and turns on its lights.*
Ivan: *starts freaking out* "I don't have a license! I'm not supposed to be driving! I don't wanna go to jail!!"
Mary Ann: *looks in the mirror* "Oh, I don't either. Just slow down and pull over. It'll be fine."
*They pull over to the side of the road.*
Cop: *gets out and walks up to the driver's side window* "Marvin McCracken, how are-Oh! Who are you?"
Mary Ann: "This is Ivan. He and his parents are from FinRussland and they moved into the house next to us for a little bit. The old Gilmore place."
Cop: "Oh! Well, welcome to Pen City." *notices Mr McCracken passed out in the back seat with over a dozen empty beer cans surrounding him* "It was a while ago, but I think I remember your ma" *points at Ivan* "-callin us about your pa" *points at Mr McCracken passed out in the back* "doin some target shootin."
Ivan: *nods his head* "She's a little more used to seeing guns now."
Cop: *laughs* "Well, I'd love to stay and chat a while longer, but I gotta be a makin my way back to the station real soon." *looks at his watch* "9 minutes to be exact. Anyhow. Mary Ann, tell your pa when he wakes up that I'll be a droppin by sometime in the next few days to drop off his air compressor. I seen y'all's car a-drivin by and I figured I oughtta let him know. But seein' as he's asleep, I reckon you'll have to tell him. Borrowed it a couple months ago and I plumb forgot about it. Feel awful bad. Hope y'all ain't been a needin to use it for nothin."
Mary Ann: "Mm, not as of recent, I don't think." *takes a sip of Buck Cola* "I'll be sure to tell him though."
Cop: "Sounds mighty fine. Where are y'all a headin?"
Mary Ann: "Pa's gettin a bear head mounted fer his nephew Peter. It's all done now, so we're a fixin to go pick'er up at Ernest's taxidermy shop."
Cop: "Ernest? Shoot, I ain't talked to him in a good while...." *looks at his watch* "Well, I reckon I better get a goin. Tell old Ernest I said howdy. Y'all have a nice day now, y'hear?"
*Mary Ann & Ivan wave as he walks back to his car.*
Mary Ann: "Alrighty, uh..... it'll be the next right, I think."
Ivan: *pulls back on the road* "Is that normal here?"
Mary Ann: "Is what normal?"
Ivan: "The policeman pulled us over just to talk to us."
Mary Ann: *nods*
Ivan: "Back home, that means you're in trouble."
Mary Ann: "I dunno, I reckon you know when you're a doin something wrong anyhow. Pa says to never worry none unless you're a speedin or you done killed somebody or robbed a place or something. Turn right."
*Ivan slows down and very carefully turns right onto a side road.*

The 1919 License Plate of Pensyltuckee Island

*Meanwhile, at Pen City International.....*
*Erik, Natasha, and Ivan are walking through the heavily outdated airport terminal with their luggage.*
Ivan: "Where are the cars?"
Erik: "They're getting taken back by ship."
Ivan: "Oh, okay."
Female Employee: "Mornin'. Where are y'all a-headin?"
Erik: *pulls out his ticket*
Employee: *takes the ticket and looks at it* "Helpinky-Undergrad in FinRussland, eh?" *hands the ticket back* "Let's just check y'all's luggage right quick." *walks over to a conveyer belt* "Just set them right there for now."
*A guard brings over a bloodhound that has been trained to sniff out bombs and drugs.*
Guard: "I hate to do this, but it's mandatory nowadays with what's a goin' on in some other nations. Gotta do what everybody else is a-doin, I reckon."
*Their luggage comes out clean.*
Employee: "Alrighty. Just set it on the conveyer belt. And then just walk on through this metal detector."
*They set their bags on the belt and watch as it slowly takes their luggage down through an X-ray machine."
Guard: *lights up a cigarette* *looking at the screen*
Employee: *walks over and looks at the screen also*
Guard: *points at something on the screen*
Employee: *walks back over to the family* "Is it alright if I open this up?" *points to Ivan's suitcase*
Erik: *nods*
Employee: "Alrighty. I always like to ask. Never wanna upset nobody if I can help it."
*opens up the suitcase and pulls out a shiny, polished 22LR single action revolver and three 500 round boxes of .22 ammunition* "Oh, my husband has one a these for takin care a rats and snakes and stuff round our place... This'd be fine comin' in, but ya cain't have it a-goin' out. Not to FinRussland especially. We'd all be a-gettin' in mighty big trouble." *opens the loading gate, pulls the hammer to half-cock, and spins the cylinder to make sure it's unloaded*
Natasha: *turns around* "Ivan? Where did you get that?"
Ivan: "Mr McCracken gave it to me as a gift."
Natasha: *rolls her eyes* "You know we can't have that back in Helpinky-Undergrad."
Employee: "Is there some friends or relay-tivs you might could leave it here with?"
Erik: "Uh... you can leave that with Marvin McCracken on Deer Creek Rd."
Employee: *pulls out a Sharpie and a small cardboard box* *sticks the gun and the ammo into the box, closes the lid, and starts writing on the side* "You said Marvin McCracken at..."
Erik: "212 Deer Creek Rd."
Employee: "212 Deer Creek Road in Pen City.... Alrighty. We'll make sure to get that to him."
Ivan: "Can we leave a note for him?"
Erik: *looks back at the employee*
Employee: "For sure." *hands Erik a piece of paper*
Erik: *takes the paper and grabs a pen off the counter* *starts writing* "Dear Marvin, I hope all is well with you and your family. Ivan appreciates the gift. However, real guns are not allowed back where we're from, especially not in the hands of a child as young as Ivan. You have been a wonderful neighbor for the short time we've been here in Pensyltuckee Island. I won't lie. I had my doubts when we first moved in and within the 1st few hours, Natasha told me she had already called the police on you guys. However, over the past few months, you guys have proven to be extraordinarily generous and helpful people..."
*He continues writing for a few minutes while Natasha and Ivan pitch in with ideas.*
"......Sincerely, Erik." *folds up the letter and hands it to the employee*
Employee: *takes the letter* "Alrighty, we will get that to him right quick." *sticks the letter in the box, closes the lid, and tapes it up*
Erik: "Thank you."
*The family grabs their luggage off the belt and walks over to the seating area, where they sit down right next to the window.*
Natasha: "I can't wait to be back in FinRussland. It'll be good to be back home and see all our family and friends."
Erik: "Same. I'll miss this nation though. This nation is decades behind most of the world, but underneath the rough exterior, the people here really are quite friendly."
Natasha: *nods in agreement* "We might have to come back and visit again sometime." *looks at one of the TVs, which is playing a soap opera from TPSA* "I wonder how Anna is. I haven't heard from her in a while."
Erik: "I'm sure your sister's fine. She's probably just busy with that new job."
Natasha: "You're probably right..... I haven't told her yet about how we got stuck in the woods by Springfield for a day and had to eat a poisonous snake. She'll enjoy hearing about that."
Erik: "She might look at you a little differently after hearing about all the different wildlife you've eaten now." *laughs*
Natasha: *laughs* *looks at Ivan, who is playing a game on his phone* "Ivan, since your phone's already out, could you check really fast to see what the weather is like back home?"
Ivan: *continues playing the game* "There's no Wifi here."
Erik: "No Wifi in the international airport... I can't say I'm too surprised." *chuckles*

The Unending Sitcom of Izonno

*Miscellaneous News Update*

- Port Officials in the Lower-Bay region remain flummoxed about the disappearance of around 40 shipping containers containing fabric softeners.

The Republic of Joke Bot

Joke Time:

Q. A politician had hired someone to set up a sign, someone to hand out free badges, and someone to drive in a painted car around town all while the politician stayed home relaxing from there couch
Why was the politician tired?

Because he was Running for office

Forum View