Yeah I was just feeling sorry for the number 7. It's obviously inferior to 8 but I felt bad for it so I had to give it some attention if you get my meaning
1 is the loneliest number. 2 is almost as bad as one; it's the loneliest number since the number 1 3 is not too bad; three's company, as they say! 4 is only half as good as the best number. It's a pity it's all straight lines, too; but you know what they say, two wrongs do make a right! 5 is a nice, round but boring number; pity it doesn't split into two. 6 is neat, but doesn't commit fully to being the best number. 7 is the worst number. Look at the lack of curves. Look at the way it arrogantly refuses to divide into anything. Look at how it stands so alone, so poorly, alone amongst the hallowed halls of other numbers. It is a selfish, sad number; it promises no justice, nothing. It is not fair. It is but a sad husk of a number. Pity it, for it is so despised; its only use is to be the lowest thing that you can divide a number by. When I divide one by seven, I despair; for the decimals it gives are infinitesimal and proof of a harsh, unloving God that hates the number. But 8? 8 is perfection. Eight divides evenly; it divides two ways, and four ways, as well. When I divide one by eight, I rejoice, for the decimals it gives are finite and neat; proof that God loves it. It is a fair, just number; it shares its burden with other numbers, and it is the fullest number. Gaze upon its curves! Gaze upon how beautiful it is! 9 is meh. Ever heard of too much of a good thing? That's 9 for you. They tried to add too much to perfection. 9 is the aftermath of a buffet where you filled up too much. You could have stopped at 8; but no, you decided to add more to it. Nine is the number of sin, but sin may be cleansed and taken care of. Nine is not to be pitied, rather to be taken care of and reborn into 8. 0 is everything and nothing at once; it is the beginning and the end; it is both the number 8 and also not. Gaze and tread upon it carefully, and above all, do not divide anything by it, for the consequences of doing so are worse than doing seven-related maths.
This has been your daily sermon by the Holy Church of Saritova.
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