NATION

PASSWORD

Search

Search

[+] Advanced...

Author:

Region:

Sort:

«12345678. . .2,1192,120»
Messages

New new new cageistan

Also I have created checks against Trump such as banhammer being a weakness of gods, Shrek being a multiversal planeswalker diety rather than universal god, Nicolas Cage not being a full strength but the possibility of that power returning, and a few things I don't want to spoil just yet such as The All Black Necrosword's origin story.

Lawithon

August

Do not take it the wrong way, the whole thing is cracking me up. It does not bother me, it is just an absurd story.

And thanks.

Lawithon

New new new cageistan

August wrote:Do not take it the wrong way, the whole thing is cracking me up. It does not bother me, it is just an absurd story.
And thanks.

1: My insanely fast response is due to me checking this right before I hit the hay (which is right now)
2: That's sorta the point. This story is literally about Donald Trump gaining the powers of a god and trying to kill Shrek and Nicolas cage, who are also dieties. This is the most f*cked up fictional universe ever. Let's just make this as entertaining as possible and see how the world handles it.

Lawithon and Occidania

Shrek land

Shrek sat atop a pile of bodies in Shrek Land and tensed up, something wasn't right. He sniffed the air and looked around. Naybe he was losing his mind again, he lay back on the bodies and slowly began to make a blood ogre (snow angel( )

The all powerful Shrek however sensed the disturbance "There be a new threat to may swamp... May swamp..." he narrowed his stunning brown eyes and zeroed in on New New New New Cageistan. While he couldn't exactly find the being he knew it was there.
Probably just one of Nicks newest creations. He won't worry about it until it threatens the whole earth like the Romans or North Korea. He sat Utop Uranus, waiting.

Meanwhile Gregogrey Ogreson had been talking too his girlfriend located in New New New New Cageistan when Trump activated the stone.
The sheer power of the sword caused a massive surge in Cageistans power causing an EMP like effect for a few seconds before returning.

Gregogrey continued to try to restablish contact with his love interest frantically before she finally picked up their Shrek (Skype) call.
"Are you okay what happened?!" he asked frantically
"Fine... Fine... Jesus Greg you don't have to worry when I'm gone for e0 seconds. It was just a power surge. One of the many benifits to living in the mountains I suppose..."
"You're right... I just worry because Shrek is a bit of a wild card. I have no idea why he hired me as the defense minister.... I have no idea what I'm doing...."

Lawithon

Turos

After millenia of exile, The Emperor of Mankind returns to The Cape of Good Hope after receiving word that a Artifact of the Warp has been found.
He turns to his warmaster, Horus.
"I task you, the greatest of my children, "The Primarchs", with the destruction of this "black blade" lest the forces of the warp retrieve it and launch an assault against the bastions of mankind."
"Your will be done."
As Horus leaves the room The Emperor looks out the window at the newly created hive city of Terra, sensing that the blade has found an owner he smiles.
"So it has begun."

Lawithon

New new new cageistan

Nicolas Cage walks through the world, admiring it's beauty, on his return to Cageistan after "The Death of Shrek". When nearing the border he feels an immense disturbance in the universe. Something he has never felt before. It was almost akin to someone seeing a new colour, as this feeling should not exist. Cage stares wide eyed a twoards the capital and see's a brutish monster cloaked in a jet black cape. He has never seen anything darker, not even a mighty black hole compares.

Cage flies to Cageopolis at light speed but is knocked back by the mysterious figure, who moved even faster than Cage. Nicolas is sent flying into a towering bronze statue of his likeness and shatters it.
Cage jerks his head up, a furious expression on his face and a dark figure looming over him. Cage utters only "What are you-" and is punted across the face with enough force to destroy a mountain.
The people in Cageistan should be screaming in terror, but instead they all chant "God is dead, God is dead". Cage is disoriented and confused as the nation he left before looks nothing like the one he is in now. Pictures and statues of Cage are gone and replaced with those of Trump. No churches exist and instead are replaced by banks. He looks at the demon and says "You...you are Trump?" and receives no answer. Cage then screams "ANSWER ME!" and is met by a single sentence. One he has heard a million times before but never thought anything of, "I will make Cageistan great again."
immediately following that haunting he is stabbed through the heart with a black blade, a wound he will easily recover from. The Demon picks him up and says "I AM TRUMP, THE GOD BUTCHER. ALL GODS SHALL PERISH AND I WILL RULE THE COSMOS, FOR THAT IS THE WILL OF TRUMP AND THE ALL-BLACK NECROSWORD!"
Suddenly Cage feels woozy, like he might fall unconscious, something that hasn't happened since he was a child and was beaten by Shrek for leaving the fridge open. Cage know's something about that sword is not of his creation, unlike all other things in the universe. Cage musters up his remaining to strength to whisper "Father...help...me..." and then falls into a deep sleep.

Lawithon

August

"What?

What is that?"

The second-in-command of the Proxistos Cartel, a loose confederation of dealers and manufacturers spread throughout August, is one of the most powerful figures in the regional arms industry. At this moment, however, he is flicking through the channels, searching for something to take his mind off work. The latest channel has caught his eye. He squints at the high-definition destruction on the screen.

"Probably the latest Marvelous movie..." he mutters, before noticing the news ticker on the bottom. The station cuts to an anchor, who is admirably holding back obvious panic. The lieutenant listens for a few minutes, then sits back to parse the information. The words that stand out are ones like "God-Destroyer," "Donald Trump," and "Necrosword," bizarre eldritch things with little meaning to him. What he knows is that the wanton obliteration of an entire region is not something taken lightly.

How does such a thing even happen? And why is he finding out from the news? It does not matter; he can rail at his oblivious subordinates later. He picks up the phone. This one, he thinks, is worth waking up the boss.

Lawithon

Turos

The Emperor is enjoying pondering over aeons past when Sanguinius, Lord Primarch of the Blood Angels, rushes into the throne room.

"Father, I was rekindling old alliances in New New New Cageistan but it seems a lot has changed. The people chant "God is Dead" and hold reverence to their leader known as "Trump", who has been possessed by the powers of the warp through a strange black blade called "The Necrosword""

"From what you are telling me and from what I have gleamed from looking through the warp, it seems that this "Trump" is being possessed by a high level daemon or even a Chaos God. If the latter is the case, no Primarch will be able to stand against him."

"Then what shall we do?"

"Retrieve Horus and return here, I fear he may be in over his head"

"Yes father"

In Cageistan, Horus looks on as the god "Cage" is impaled by the Necrosword, thinking he will recover, Horus continues to watch but realizes that Cage will not be waking up. The tactician that he is, Horus charges Trump hoping to gain the element of surprise but as he approaches, Trump vanishes. He hears a voice in his mind not knowing if it is the sword or Trump.

"I AM TRUMP, THE GOD BUTCHER."

"Ya I heard."

"HA, YOU AMUSE ME. I CAN SENSE THE NECROSWORD CORRUPTING YOU, YOU KNOW THAT YOUR GOD EMPEROR WILL NOT BE ABLE TO DEFEAT ME, AND SO YOU SHALL DIE!"

Trump appears slashing downward with his sword but Horus his hoisted into the air, the sword slicing his shoulder instead of what should have been the end.

"Let's retreat Horus"

Sanguinius had saved him, his wings of gold flying them away, but Horus knew that they had not escaped, Trump let them leave. Horus felt tired but when he looked down to where his wound should have been it was gone. Horus pondered, convincing himself that what the daemon had said was not true, that his father could defeat him. What he didn't know was that poisoness intent had already entered his mind.

Lawithon

Shrek land

Shrek sat at the border of Shrek land and Cageistan throwing rocks at the forcefield. He ignored the chanting and yelling until the forcefield shattered after the sound of cracking stone.
Hearing his son in pain caused him to stand up and run through the mountain leaving a perfect Shrek outline. As he passed through the other side, creating a tunnel between the two lands, he saw Nicolas Cage draw his final breath.

The smell of onions filled the air around Trump, The God Butcher as he turned his attention to the civilians of Cageistan.

Suddenly citizens began getting through to the side going thousands of miles in random directions. Once nearly all the citizens were dead or dying, there stood Shrek, rage in his eyes.

"What are you doin' laddeh... Thats may son."

"Your son is like his father. Weak. Prepare to join the butchered!" on that note Trump swung the Necroblade down at Shrek.

Shrek watched, a calm, and annoyed expression on his face. At the last moment he grabbed the blade, stopping it.

Trump, asonished then began to slash at Shrek.

Shrek, the juggernaut he is withstood the forst few strikes as it cut through his layers. He had to do something. As Trump prepared a final swing Shrek launched forward and double fisted upercut Trump causing him to stumble.

However, upon the blow being struck by Shrek, Trump dropped the Necroblade and as Shrek landed, the blade sliced through his final layer.

Swamp water began pouring out of Shreks halved body as onion skin began trying to rebuild him.

Shrek roared in pain as a sizzling sound was heard as the onion skin continued to burn as Shrek healed. After a few seconds Shreks halves hit the ground. Not turning into onions, no healing. Just the soft sizzle and swamp water seeping out of him.

Shrek sat upon Uranus when he got a pain in his forehead "Not in may swamp..." he mumbled as he began hopping from planet to planet, nearing earth.

Lawithon

August

Aljero Vitusca, head of the Proxistos Cartel, paces back and forth in his office in a foul mood. None of his connections in Cageistan or Shrek Land have made an effort to reach him--at least, to his knowledge. In fact, there have been no communications from outside August whatsoever. The news stations have found out before him, for goodness' sake. Coadun seems to have been decimated, and Cageistan is being terrorized by a former real estate magnate with a penchant for bringing down deities with as much collateral damage as possible. Of course, the important thing in all this is business--specifically, the people he does business with, who may or may not still exist. Such a situation, should it be allowed to continue, could be catastrophic to the reputation of the Cartel in the region.

"On my frakin' day off. Unbelievable." Vitusca boots a trash can through his open door and down the hall. An underling carrying a three foot stack of reports trips over it and falls down several flights of stairs, but the cartel boss has already turned away. "My wife... He shakes his head, then picks up the phone. "Get a recon bird ready. I need to see this for myself."

High above Cageistan, black clouds swirl ominously, and unnatural thunder booms out for miles. The effect is lost on most of the observers, who lie motionless in the gray dust following Trump's attack. Trump himself towers over the landscape. The black weapon in his hand seems to absorb the weak light around it. From a distance, one can almost mistake him for one of the colossal Cageistani mountains, when his head whips around, his hair following shortly behind. The speedy Cartel reconnaissance aircraft punches through the cloud above his head and leaves a black jet stream in its wake.

On board, Vitusca cannot believe his eyes. "Have you ever seen anything like that? Tell me, have you ever...!?" He trails off as the pilots circle around, bringing the tiny plane to bear directly in front of Trump. The creature's full wrath aroused, the Necrosword begins to lift. The plane, a mere house fly before the god-destroyer, nose-dives just as the sword slices through time and space just yards above them. It passes through the two enormous legs and comes out the other side, but Trump is already there, having moved far faster than is seemingly possible. The sword lifts again. Vitusca, thanking the stars that he had had the sense to outfit the reconnaissance jet with a small ion-stream cannon, slides into the vacant gunner's seat. The pilots sit slack-jawed, frozen in terror and unable to replicate the daring move from before. The cartel head, on the other hand, has not attained his position for nothing. Through the forward-looking infrared camera, he tries to sight a weakness, but the display is pure darkness.

"No conventional targeting. My luck. Looks like the old fashioned way." Vitusca feels as though he is acting in slow motion as he yanks the co-pilot out of his seat. Trump is a mile ahead of the plane, but the distance may as well be an inch. For the Necrosword, earthly dimension itself crumbles and peels away, until all that is left is the deadly might of the blade and the deadly intention of its bearer. In the instant before the final impact, the ion cannon spools up, and Aljero Vitusca unleashes several megajoules of pure energy directly into Trump's face. With an unearthly howl that flattens every remaining tree in a ten mile radius, Trump drops the sword. The pilots, having regained their senses, pull up hard, and the plane is whisked back into the clouds.

Shaken, the battle- and bureaucracy-hardened cartel boss drops into a chair. "We're gonna need more weapons..."

Shrek land, New new new cageistan, and Lawithon

Shrek land

A few days pass since the Necrosword had been revealed.
The sky over Good Hope was dark due to the lack of deities.

Shrek continued to lay motionless on the ground,
Cage was a few feet away from his father.

Gregogrey ogreson sat at Shreks desk which was just a giant onion cut in half to make a flat top.
Greg stsred out the window, a look of dismay, having heard the news of the fallen gods.
"Send in the advisors. We need a solution..."

Moments later two people entered the room. The spiritual advisor and the financial advisor who saw little work since Shrek ruled and didn't spend much money on anything besides weaponry and military advancments.

The three looked at eachother and made their way to a giant painting of Shrek, they then walking through the canvas, their Ogre skin allowing them to pass through the bonds. Once theough the painting there was a large stone table that had Shreks face carved into it. In Shreks gapping mouth a fire crackled. The eternal flame. The once grand flame had begun to dwindle.

The three took their seats, at each position they had a stone key hole cut out. The three removed keys from around their necks and set them down on the table.

Greg looked at the other two "We can't handle this by ourselves. Not anymore. We face a threat greater than Shrek Lands forces can handle. Greater than Good Hope if we don't work together."

Jaraad, the spiritual advisor looked stressed out at Shreks death "We need Shrek! We need to increase mandatory prayer time!"

Destiny, the Financial advisor being a level headed woman shook her head "Shut up you idiot, we need to band together. We'll send weapons to the other nations to at least aid in protection from Trump. We can't afford to save money at this point. Money is no object."

Jaraad jammed his key in the hole and turned it. When nothing happened he sighed "Please. We must do this. The legends spoke of a being darker than night that cannot be defeated by a single might. We need Shrek back so we can get Nicolas Cage back."

"SHREK IS DEAD!" shouted Greg, slamming his fist on the table. "We're alone now..." he hung his head "Shrek Land will die here."

Jaraad smiled "Turn the key. The real Shrek will come."

The other two slowly stuck the key in the hole and turned them. Upon thst a massive beam of green light erupted from the eternal flame into space.

Lawithon

New new new cageistan

The colossal being known as the god butcher has shrunken back down to a normal size and sits upon the peak of Mount Evercage to ponder how he will go about his plans.
"The All-Black Necrosword, it can't truly be this....weak? Can it....?" Trump thinks to himself,
Then a sadistic raspy voice takes over his mind
"WE HAVE ONLY GRANTED YOU BUT A TASTE OF THE TRUE POWER OF THE OLD"
Ah yes, The Old. That is where The Necrosword originates from. The reality previous to the one Shrek and Cage were born into and created was one of Daemons and other powerful beings. One vastly different from our current multiverse. One in which the laws that govern reality were much more adequate. It is the reason the All-Black gives me the power to travel faster than light, even though that was a fundamental rule Cage put in place for this one. The rules that govern this reality do not apply to me. That reality sadly ended and collapsed into the two artifacts, The Necrosword and The Keyrune. I was lucky to have found the Keyrune while walking through a forest during my youth.
Then in mid thought Trump is stumped, a first for The Donald
"YOU KNOW MUCH ABOUT MY ORIGIN, HUMAN"
"I was thinking in deepest recesses of my mind...how did you find me here?"
"YOUR DECADES OF MEDITATION DO NOT BUT MAKE MY JOB MORE OF A PAIN, NOW ANSWER MY QUESTION"
"Well just like how you can enter my mind, I can briefly enter yours. I meditated on the Keyrune for over half a century and was able to decipher that."
"HAHA I KNEW FROM THE MOMENT WE MET YOU WERE THE HOST I WAS LOOKING FOR"
"The host you were-"
Suddenly a massive beam of green light shot to the heavens
"So the legends are true. No worry though, I planned for this. I planned for everything"
The god butcher then sets off towards the green beam, but at a relatively slow pace to conserve his energy for a battle people will sing about for the rest of time.

Shrek land

Shrek land

Shrek had stopped to rest on Mars before the beam flew up and latched onto him. Shrek carefully removed the beam, already knowing the Origin point. It was meerly if his was in another dimension to help him find his way out.

After Shrek removed the beam he performed one final leap through space and landed with a thud on the city of Far Far Away. He sttod at roughly the size of a five story building so he didn't level the city upon impact. He took a deep breath and looked into the distance to see Trump making his way towards the city. "Not in my swamp..." he began lumbering towards Cageistan to head off Trump at the border. As he moved he detached his ogre sized member and gripped it in his hand. Before the eyes of the ogres of Shrek Land it morphed into the legendary sword Excalibur, formerly Nicolas Cages weapon until Shrek had to ground him from using it.

New new new cageistan and Lawithon

Turos

When the two defeated Primarchs return to Terra, their father is their to greet them. They begin to tell him their tale but are cut short by a raised hand.
"I know of everything that has happened after deep meditation, but I am disappointed you did not quell this heresy. Come with me there is much to discuss."
The brothers Sanguinius and Horus look at each other confused as The Emperor turns towards the throne room beginning his story about how he came to such great power in the universe. One they had heard many times.
"When I was much younger; when I was mortal, I was a scientist, A master in the fields of biochemistry and cloning. I had been researching the prolonged entropy of a dying star when a rogue ship hit mine and sent the ship hurtling towards this sun. I was thinking of nothing but death and in the moment I accepted it, I saw in my minds eye what can only be described as a god. Not a Benign or evil god, but a neutral god who acted on his own whims. Who lived in his swamp with his son who looked nothing like him but I could tell he was the creator of this universe. As the figures faded away I was left in pitch darkness, but I felt overwhelming power. Where the sun had been was nothing but darkness, I was surrounded by the never ending abyss of space. I closed my eyes thinking of home, but I did not die, I was back at home. After researching myself, I came to the conclusion that the split second that I had died, the star went critical and the hypernova that occurred was absorbed by me, giving me the powers of a god: Teleportation, Psychic powers, Incredible strength, will over time etc. You know that after this I had created 20 clones who I blessed with a fraction of my power of which you are 2, but before that I had tried to create a perfect clone of myself imbued with the entirety of my power."
"What!" said Horus, "You had never told us about this before, why now?"
The Emperor continued "Because it went perfectly but my superb intellect was not transferred and what resulted was a mentally flawed version of my sons, the Zero Primarch."
As if on cue, the ground shook with steps approaching the throne room as if a giant were running full speed towards them, they turn as the colossal figure enters the room.
"HAY GOYS, MI NAME IS TARDUS, DO YU LIKE ME?" https://imgflip.com/readImage?iid=6788252
He yelled this as he ran around the room with his arms out in front of him making woosh noises.
Horus questioned his father, "HE HAS YOUR LEVEL OF POWER?"
"No, he exceeds my physical strength actually but other than that, yes, but he doesn't know how to use it properly." The Emperor replied nonchalantly.
Just then the very sky itself shook as a ray of green light shot upwards in the distance.
The Emperor addressed Tardus "Head to the green light my son and make allies with the giant green god who appears there."
"I WILL MAKE NEW FWENDS YAY!" Tardus bellows as he shoots off in the direction of the green light.

Lawithon

New new new cageistan

Trump walks in the valley of the shadow of Shrek. The border between Cageistan and Shrek Land darkens due to the All-Blacks immense power. All life in the area dies and all trees are stripped of their leaves, leaving empty charred husks. A battlefield fit for a god.
"The Necrosword has granted me more power it seems...much more. The gods I fought previously would be nothing to me. As well as that weapon some man in a helicopter shot at me, they would need something much stronger to even phase me."
As The God Butcher steps forward a massive and excruciating pain shoots up his right arms
"GAHHHHHHH MY HAND!"
He looks down to see the All-Black has melded completely with his hand.
"THIS IS JUST A PRECAUTION, AS I DO KNOW THE FULL ENTITY OF SHREK WILL BE QUITE THE OPPONENT, MUCH MORE POWERFUL THAN THE LAST"
Trump thinks to himself that is of no worry, and ponders over how powerful Shrek truly is.
He finally makes it to the border and prepares himself both physically and mentally, applying product to his majestic and coveted comb over.
He senses more than just one being of great power approaching, although one is much much greater than the other the first is still of some significance.
"With Cage dead and gone and Shrek's Avatar destroyed this being must be something related to those two being birthed of nuclear fusion, interesting. Sun's are not to be trifled with as they are the epicenters of multiversal energy. Hell they are used to create banhammer, the strongest and must magically powerful substance in the multiverse. But I have the Necrosword, the culmination of all the power of The Old."
Suddenly the land beneath him starts to erupt with murky dark water and weeping willows start to sprout.
"The Ogrelord is upon me."
The God butcher, imbued with incalculable amounts of power, is still a mortal and bears the body of one, so he ingests the ultamite steroid. Creatine. He then makes ALL KINDS OF GAINS and is ready for his battle, one he knows he will be vastly outnumbered in.

Lawithon

Shrek land

As Shrek approached the Valley of Shrek he vomited an onion into his hand. Slowly peeling the onion he revealed a unscarred young body of Nicolas Cage, "Come here my son." he set the body on the ground and finished his stroll to the border. He hefted Excalibur onto his back and roared "S-W-A-M-P, there is YOU IN MY SWAMP!" he swung Excalibur through time and space, a shrieking sound could be heard as it cut through reality. As be swung he used the Might Of athe Swamp and caused willow trees to surround Trump in an effort to hold him in place.

Lawithon

Turos

As Tardus flies towards the dead forest he sees that a old guy is trapped in a cage of willow trees is in his path and he is unable to halt his progress hurtling full force into this man with an incredibly invasive combover, breaking the cage and sending him crashing into a nearby mountain.
"OOPSIES! SORRY BAD COMBOVER MAN!"
Shrek walks over to him bellowing "WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOIN LADDIE!"
Recognition sweeps over Tardus' features, "You're the green guy my dad told me to make friends with. LET'S BE FWENDS. MY NAME IS TARDUS. I'M GOING TO CALL YOU MINTY CAUSE YOU'RE GREEN."
Meanwhile Trump tries to make sense of what just happened, "What hit me?" His eyes zone zone in, trained by years of searching for immigrants and small loans of a million dollars. "THAT IMBECILE HIT ME?"
Trump is fuming but quickly regains his composure. "It is no matter, the disabled mentally or otherwise have no place in my plan to make Cageistan great again."
He hefts the sword now attached to his arm and walks towards the two deities, now questioning which one is the greater threat.

New new new cageistan

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-tGRI-3sjEvQ/UzoZwBPHzWI/AAAAAAAAAEw/23-g3cYfdQM/s1600/e0dccageconair.gif

"I'm back baby!" Nicolas Cage exclaims after his ethereal soul inhabits his new godly body.
"Oh that's the bastard that killed me, my right hand man too, stabbed me in the back."
"Yes laddah, now can yUUu explain HOW THE SHREK HE IS SO POWERFUL?"
"Honestly I have no idea. All I ever gave him were small loans of a million dollars and control of my country. Nothing this substantial."
"Alrighty then, now also who is this little twat that seems to be even duller than Donkey?"
"That....I have no idea. Probably something to do with that sun man who runs Turos."
"I haf to go peeeee" Tardus whimpers
"Oh great" Cage sighs

Meanwhile The God butcher, imbued with the dark energy of Old and Creatine, starts to sprint over twoards the two gods and the dimwit.
"I should have made sure Cage was completely dead, how did he come back!?"
"HE IS A GOD, OF COURSE HIS PHYSICAL BEING IS JUST A SMALL PART OF WHAT HE TRULY IS. THIS TIME I WILL GRANT YOU THE ABILITY TO ABSORB THE GODS AND EXTRACT THEIR POWER."
"Okay All-Black I will-"
Suddenly the hulking Goliath known as Shrek appears out of no where
"I guess we are breaking out lightspeed already, fine I''ll play"
But before Trump has a chance to react he is grabbed by the Ogresized hands of Shrek his bones are crushed with enough force to collapse a star into a black hole.
The Donald screams in agony, and before he has a chance to think about his next move Tardus flies in at a fraction below lightspeed and causes his punch to have near infinite mass
Finally Nicolas Cage uses a god blast, pure energy fired from the soul of Cage. Untainted by time and space, the energy used in the creation of the universe. The blast sends Trump flying out of Shreks hands and into the largest willow in Shreks swamp, shattering it into nothing.
"MAY....MAY SWAMP!? YUUU BREAK. MAY. SAWMP?!?!"
And Engraged Shrek charges forward, almost breaking the lightspeed barrier of the universe and warping spacetime around him. Right before Shrek hits The God butcher he vanishes and all that is heard is"
"My turn."
A sickening cry of an onion being sliced reverberates throughout the battlefield, a pitch black sword has gone through Shreks chest
"FATHER!" Nicolas cage cries out
"One down, two to go-"
But before the Donald can rip his sword out of Shrek the Ogre god mumbles
"Yu think I will go down THAT easily?"
"Impossible!? I pierced you with the all black, a weapon that renders gods mortal!"
"Even as a mortal I will not let some littal fackwit beat me! Cage remember when yu were a wee lad and we used to play baseball with planets? You know what to do!"
As Shrek stands there, the life fading out of him Nicolas Cage knows exactly what his father means
"Tardus come here!"
"Yeaaaaaa okay wat do you want?"
"See that guy with the dumb toupee? Just face twoards him"
"uhhhh okay?" Tardus asks inquisitively, then he starts making faces to Trump
Nicolas Cage then charges up a Godblast with all the energy he can muster up, and shoots it at Tardus, sending the dimwit flying into Donald who is being held still by Shrek. Tardus's flesh is ripped from his bones due to his travel speed exceeding light and breaking reality. Something Nicolas Cage hates doing as he put that law into the universe for a reason, but it was necessary.
Tardus smashes into Trump so forcefully he send the Godbutcher flying out of the planet and far off into space. The battered and broken body of Tardus is retrieved by his two brothers and the near lifeless body of Shrek begins to heal.
"Laddah, this is not the last we have seen *cough* of him"
"I know dad, I know."

Lawithon

Shrek land

Shrek sat down in the bloodied swamp water. "Who the fack got blood in may swamp..." he mumbled as he wheezed out a couple breaths. As the sword clipped one of his lungs it took him a little longer to heal.

He gazed over at Nicolas Cage "You've done wonders to this reality may son. Much better than John will ever do. But you know I can't stay here forever... My true form will provide too much mass for the world to support. So I will go soon." he sighed and put his hand on his sons shoulder "if you ever need me again. You know how to find me ya?" he stood up and squated low before launching back into space, a dust cloud stirred up by the sheer force of his launch.

Turos

Back at Terra Tardus had just finished healing and recounting his story the best he could.
"I hit the bad man and then punched him and then he was held by my new friend Minty and then I was hit by his son and then I hit the bad man killing him but it hurt a lot. Is the bad man actually dead dad?"
The Emperor shook his head, "No he is not, but we must be prepared for when he returns, send an ambassador to meet with Cage, we must let him know that we will be staunch allies in the war to come."
Tardus quipped up, "Can I go too?"
"Yes my son." Glad that he didn't have to deal with his retard of a clone anymore.

Lawithon

Shrek land

Shrek Land is ranked 396th for most defemsive forces out of 148,700 or something close to that.

New new new cageistan and Lawithon

Augustin proxy

Nice. You have a lot of 1% trophies. I would have none on either nation, except that Augustin Proxy is inexplicably 67th in the world for drug use. Not sure I like that.

Shrek land and Lawithon

New new new cageistan

Nicolas Cage, in his new even more godly body returns to Cageistan and liberates it's people from the tyranny of Donald Trump. He appoints a new second in command, Zyzz, to lead his nation in his absence. Zyzz is the son of Nicolas Cage. As a demi-god he hold truly angelic powers and is the most aesthetic man the world has ever seen. He addressed the nation shortly after his appointment.
"Sup brah's, today I am happy to say my dad has been revived by my grandfather Shrek, and has come back to lead all you sikkunts into a new age!"
The people of Cageistan rejoice and return from hiding out in the wastelands and a safespace made in Shrekland habitable by the Cageistani's. Cage in his return nearly doubles the economy of our country with his godly powers and leadership as a token of appreciation for the courage shown by his people. Nicolas Cage then calls a meeting between the leaders of all nations. A ceasefire and the retreat of all Cageistani forces in Coadun has been ordered as well sine the help of all nations will be needed to eliminate The God Butcher once and for all.
"Everyone will be needed, from my Father Shrek, to the black market arms dealers in August. Everything must be used and everyone must help or else Donald Trump could very well end up destroying the universe" ~ Nicolas Cage

Lawithon

Turos

"I see you are even more magnificient from when I last saw you says The Emperor remarking on Cage's new body. Tardus waddles behind, staring at the lavish decor of the meeting hall.
"I WANT THE SHINY!" Zyzz however stops him from doing to much damage. "Brah, don't touch the gold mang. Have you used the bathroom yet, I know you have a weak bladder." he says pointing towards the lavatory.
"OK." Tardus bellows heading in the opposite direction and entering Cage's office, where he promptly shuts the door.
A few minutes later while the two gods are catching up and discussing strategy, a vomit inducing smell begins to waft from the office. Cage worried, eases open the door to find Tardus sitting next to a pile of dung on the floor while clutching a piece of parchment. Cage rushes over snatching the fecal covered paper and opening it. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Not the Declaration of Independence! Cage then proceeds to sit in the corner and rock back and forth while Tardus tries to console him to no avail. The Emperor of Mankind, knowing when to make a strategic retreat, heads toward the exit with his sons stopping only to say "Perhaps another time would be best."

Lawithon

New new new cageistan

***OOC NO ONE DARE RP AS ZYZZ, he is basically my irl god and I dont trust any of you soiling his name

Lawithon

«12345678. . .2,1192,120»