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by The island nation of butan. . 33 reads.

The Book of Xenuooo: Old Testament

Genesis:

In the beginning there was nothing... Then there was Xenuooo.
Xenuooo had the power to create, so he created the universe and all the galaxies. At the center of it all he created Earth, with everything revolving around it.

Xenuooo created an alien family. He had a son named Gzaaglom and a daughter named Eeetuk.

The children were mischievous hated their creator. They fled and created a world to live on. Furious at their betrayal, Xenuooo destroyed the world and trapped Gzaaglom in ball of fire revolving Earth. And so the sun came to be. Because Eeetuk was his favorite, Xenuooo forgave her.

Xenuooo turned his attention to Earth and he took six days to form the seas, land, sky, plants, night, and day. On the seventh day, Xenuooo went into hibernation to rebuild his awesome powers.

Upon Xenuooo's return he created the first human: Ramsey Nichols. Ramsey and 2000 other original humans were spawned by Xenuooo around a great volcanoe. They fought to the death in order to select the strongest of them.

Three survived including Ramsey. Each one was visited by Xenuooo and given a purpose. Ramsey's purpose was to enlighten. the three were instructed to populate and protect Earth. Xenuooo went into hibernation for a very long time.

~

Jurassic:

And so Ramsey said unto him: this is not social hour. Jurassic 8:13
Ramsey and his colleagues Harry and Hermione escaped the volcanoe island on a raft made of their own hair. Harry used his cool water powers to move them to land.

The place they landed was deemed the holy land of Kalamazoo. They began to populate the earth. Hermione birthed 12 million children. But all was not peaceful on Earth.

Eeetuk the alien had returned. She created huge beasts called dinosaurs to wipe the humans out. The dinosaurs were led by a T-Rex named Hitler. The humans allied with the plant eating dinosaurs.

The dinosaurs ate Harry. Jurassic 8:14

The dinosaur wars were long and brutal, but the humans defended their holy land. Dinosaur Hitler killed many of his own dinosaurs without mercy. But there were too many dinosaurs. Many humans had died. When it seemed like all hope was lost a portal opened in the sky.

And from the future came our saviors. Jurassic 8:15

The future humans enslaved the dinosaurs. The great Ramsey instructed his children to keep their distance. Ramsey was troubled with Xenuooo's absence and remembered that it was up to him to protect Earth. The future people seemed only concerned about themselves which meant dinosaur Hitler was still a threat.

Ramsey lead his people across many lands to confront his enemy. Day after day they were attacked. People were eaten and taken.

On day they came upon a great field of holes... and Hermione fell in. Jurassic 8:16

To avoid falling into holes, Ramsey invented jumping. He and his few remaining people jumped over the holes and continued on their journey.

Finally they came upon a massive mountain. The dinosaur capital resided above. Ramsey ordered his people to set up camp by the base of the mountain, he could not ask them to join him.

He climbed to a ridge and prayed to Xenuooo. Xenuooo had awakened and answered to Ramsey, instructing him to kill dinosaur Hitler.

And so Ramsey was gifted with immortality and laser vision. Jurassic 8:17

Ramsey climbed the great mountain. He banged on the door of dinosaur Hitler's house. dinosaur Hitler's mother opened the door. Ramsey melted her with his laser vision. Dinosaur Hitler entered the room to see what was going on.

With his laser vision the great Ramsey struck dinosaur Hitler down. Jurassic 8:18

With the help of Xenuooo, Ramsey killed all of the dinosaurs. The dinosaurs had fallen.

Genocide is good. Jurassic 8:19

~

Seperation:

To be lost is to be away from Ramsey. Seperation 9:7
Upon the destruction of her dinosaurs Eeetuk got very mad and broke the land of the world in several pieces. And so Ramsey was separated from his followers.

Ramsey's son Brady took the role of leader and lead a great expedition to return to the holy land. The humans multiplied on their journey and many lost sight of their goal. They spread across many continents but none could find the holy land.

Decades passed and only a few remained loyal to Ramsey and Xenuooo. Brady lead them. One day Brady was visited by Xenuooo. He was told that Xenuooo would purge the world to be rid of the nonbelievers.

The construction began on a great arc to save those that Xenuooo loved. Seperation 9:8

Brady led all those who believed in Xenuooo onto the arc and loaded 2 of every animal except for unicorns.

The day had arrived for the purge. Sharknados covered the entire world, flooding and eating everything in their path.

All of the Sharknados combined to form Megasharknado. Seperation 9:9

Brady strapped 2 eagles to his back and flew into the Megasharknado. He summoned lightning from Xenuooo and destroyed the Megasharknado. And so humanity was saved. Brady would go missing for thousands of years.

They drifted for many days until they got shipwrecked on the shore of a new land. Many of those who Xenuooo had saved were furious at him for such destruction. They split up and spread across the new land. The purge had failed. Those loyal to him roamed the land for many years searching for Ramsey, Brady, and their lost promise land.

Xenuooo is love, Xenuooo is life. Seperation 9:10

~

Death:

Those who believe in Ramsey shall be saved from the undeworld. Death 13:4
A small group of people formed a powerful nation devoted to Ramsey. Based on the signs from the stars, they predict when he will return. Through their studies they also discover an entrance to the underworld. The underworld was where everyone went after death. It was kept by Ramsey's son Sunshine.

Opposite to the underworld was Olympus where Ramsey and his other children resided. Ramsey got tired of some of his favorite descendants getting trapped in the underworld so he created Ramsey Heaven.

And so a massive movement of those who believe in Ramsey took place. The dead would rise from the underworld to Ramsey heaven. But some other things made it up to the surface.

And so a new enemy had risen from beneath: Zombies. Death 13:4

People frantically went into zombie killing mode. The elderly were used as bait, while the children took the risky job of finishing the zombies. Ramsey blessed his believers with chainsaws to fend off the masses.

It was by these weapons that the zombies were killed. Death 13:5

But the zombies also had a powerful ally: zombie dinosaur Hitler. He deeply hated humanity.

The dead outnumbered the living, but with the love of Ramsey they were able to fend off the first wave of zombie attacks with their sweet chainsaws.

To kill a zombie you must destroy the brain. Death 13:6

Desperate to succeed, zombie dinosaur Hitler consults the zombie wizard Hoovs. Hoovs casts a spell on zombie dinosaur Hitler that turns him into giant zombie dinosaur Hitler.

Just as the stars had predicted, Ramsey returns to his followers. He warns them of the coming threat and tells them to find the promise land. As his people flee Ramsey uses his super cool powers to grow many sizes.

Ramsey and giant zombie dinosaur Hitler face off on the fields of victory. Ramsey shoots his laser vision at giant zombie dinosaur Hitler but he blocks it with his magical giant sheild. Ramsey karate kicks giant zombie dinosaur Hitler into a mountain. Giant zombie dinosaur Hitler uses his fire breath but Ramsey catches it and shoots a fire ball at him.

Ramsey picks up giant zombie dinosaur Hitler and plunges him into the fires of Mount Doom to be trapped for eternity. Death 13:7

Zombies still roamed but they had lost their leader. Hoov retreats into a tiny hollow in a tree where he starts a fairy colony. The battle was almost won.

And so Ramsey created red necks to vanquish the world from zombies. Death 13:8

~

Creations:

And from the great pyramids came the mighty Luckett and the Litchfield. Creations 2:11
The 3rd awakening of Xenuooo brought a time of prosperity to the world. With Xenuooo's assistance great monuments were built. Xenuooo built the pyramids and many temples. He created a mighty empire called Eegipt where his worshipers resided.

The evil Jews wondered onto sacred territory one day. As punishmentioned they were enslaved by the Eegiptians. The Jews worshiped Eeetuk.

Naughty Jews. Creations 2:12

The Luckett tortured them with science but the Litchfield nurtured them. For this the Litchfield was cursed by Xenuooo and exiled. But in her exile she gained great and magical powers.

The Litchfield returned to Eegipt many years later. She warned the Luckett to let the Jews go. The Luckett was like no way José. José was very offended.

And so the Litchfield cursed Eegipt with her power, in the name of Eeetuk. Creations 2:13

Plauges came wave after wave, killing many innocent people. Crops were destroyed and animals died. Even the Luckett's children died. She was furious because she couldn't show pictures of her kids any more.

The Luckett consulted the fairy Hooves in his tree village. Together they created chemistry and with it they perfected chemical warfare.

With their chemical weapons the Eegiptians drove the evil slaves out of their lands. Creations 2:14

Xenuooo took pity on his starving people so he created many Ogrens. With the Ogrens the people would never starve again and they had unlimited slave labor.

The Litchfield and her cult got busy awakening Eeetuk in an attempt to take over the world. The great wall of ogren was built to keep this cult away.

Eeetuk awoke once again and she was very angry. She was determined to take over the world with out failure this time.

When Xenuooo discovered this he finally decided to be rid of his favorite child. Xenuooo created the moon and trapped Eeetuk inside of it. To keep her trapped he created a race of moon people.

Ramsey created the rainbow bridge to connect the people of the moon to the people of the earth. Good job Ramsey. Creations 2:15

One of the first moon people was the Scott. The Scott created the car. Good job Scott.

With the rainbow bridge and the automobile, the earth and the moon were connected. Creations 2:16

~

Ramsey BC:

And so Ramsey returned to his people to cleanse them of their sins. Ramsey 5:21
After thousands of years of killing dinosaurs and zombies Ramsey had finished his task. He kept the Earth and moon people connected with the rainbow bridge and he kept them all safe.

Ramsey wanted to do more so he prayed to Xenuooo. Xenuooo was all like Ramsey go cleanse your people of sin. Ramsey was like OK.

But when Ramsey returned to his people he was all but forgotten. Only a few people believed in him. The prophets of Ramsey included Brandon and Noah, his most loyal followers.

To regain faith, Ramsey went around and performed miracles. Ramsey walked on water and turned people into sheep. People started to love Ramsey.

One day Ramsey travels to a temple of Xenuooo. He is shocked to see that it has been turned into a chicken fighting arena. Ramsey creates the best chicken with his magic and enters the fight. Ramsey's chicken eat the hearts out of the other chickens and then it ate it's self.

Ramsey fried the bodies and created the first KFC. Ramsey 5:22

Now Ramsey had a new tool for miracle making. He turned all of the wheat in the farms into KFC. He turned people's hands into KFC. He turned water into KFC.

Ramsey decided to host a big KFC party for all of his followers. The Governor didn't like parties and he hated KFC. He put a bounty on Ramsey and hired 2 overweight Bengal tigers to take him in.

The KFC party could not be found by the Governor. When news got out that he wanted Ramsey, Brandon set out to teach him a lesson. He snuck into the Governor's house. Brandon found his secret room filled with severed zombie heads, remnants from the time of the dead.

The Governor came in and Brandon stabbed is eye out with a sword. Brandon fled back to Ramsey.

There was a traitor among Ramsey's followers: Bob, the owner of Bob's Fried Chicken. Bob went to the Governor and told him where the party be at.

Ramsey was arrested by the Governor who now wore a cool eye patch. Ramsey was beaten and nailed to a cross.

Upon the hill he was crucified, paying for our sins. Ramsey 5:23

Maney tears were shed when Ramsey died. the sky turned dark. Ramsey's followers formed a mob to take out the Governor. Scott and the moon people came down to Earth to join the masses.
The stage was set for a bloody war.

Ramsey will always love you child. Ramsey 5:24

The island nation of butan

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