NATION

PASSWORD

58

DispatchAccountDrama

by The Interuniversal Civilization of Aivintis. . 691 reads.

CrapFlags 3: Tokyo Drift. Your flags, drawn badly.

Disclaimer: This is satire. If you don't like satire, this might not be the best dispatch to read. In this series, I take peopleís flags and badly recreate them in PicCollage. Not even MS Paint. [u]Thatís[/u] how bad they are. I call it CrapArt, based on JoCatís Crap Guide series, and so the series is CrapFlags. If you are offended, TG me to remove, but luckily you are charmed and find it funny. This dispatch IS NOT making fun of your flags. All of them are wonderful. Our motto is "Your flag isn't bad, but it will be."

Welcome to the Naughty List.*

*Joke patented and totally original (don't steal) if anyone else came up with it, like say Tostandia, for example, I would totally credit them directly and not in a roundabout way that isn't even funny

[b]This guy's still around?[/b]

[img]https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/923359761251074078/923359771795525653/IMG_4890.png[/img]

On April 21st, aka a day after the Drewpocalypse, I posted the first ever CrapFlags, featuring "Flagdling", the flag of [nation]Lointland[/nation]. It was published with the demand that Lointland stay around longer than most new nations. They did, in fact, but before very long, they had CTE'd. Now this made me look like a fool until yesterday, when Lointland came back. Now, this guy's back on the CrapFlag Hit List. Now, I am saying that this Netherlands + France flag better still be visible from a nation that HAS NOT CEASED TO EXIST at least by Valentine's Day (UCR Con for you lonely NSers). Do not disappoint me like I disappointed my parents with these pieces of "artwork."

[b]#Banime[/b]

[img]https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/923359761251074078/923360964152287252/IMG_4891.png[/img]

In lieu of any real flag, considering her current flag is holiday themed, I drew Delechama's waifu. See that [nation]Albrook[/nation]? That's real art. Anime, on the other hand, is also real art and it's unfair to attempt to invalidate other forms of media just because you don't personally like it anime fans are real people too and they're allowed to like anime. Huh? I mean #BANIME! Shout it from the rooftops! I'll only ever watch Death Note! And maybe Attack on Titan! But only with significant peer pressure! Other animes, BAN AWAY! Actually Full Metal Alchemist sounds interesting! Would you guys recommend Full Metal Alchemist? Is it on Netflix? I might want to watch it. But only those three!

[b][nation]Restoration of Eastern Kaiserreich[/nation][/b]

[img]https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/923359761251074078/923361380562771978/IMG_4892.png[/img]

Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo.

[b]WALLenburg. Haha get it. Because WALL. The WA Legislative League. But also Wallenburg. I should write for SNL.[/b]

[img]https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/923359761251074078/923362384226164736/IMG_4893.png[/img]

[nation]Wallenburg[/nation] here, better known by his much shorter nickname, [nation]The Wallenburgian World Assembly Offices[/nation], was a Swedish architect, businessman, diplomat, and humanitarian I MEAN is a World Assembly nation residing in The East Pacific notable for its roles as Chief Minister of World Assembly Affairs, not to be confused for [nation]The WAAA[/nation], and Viceroy of Conclave. This flag replica is so authentic that you can probably get twenty bucks for it from a dumb tourist or something I don't know how street merchant scams work get off my back what are you a cop? Anyway, you can just [i]hear[/i] this flag turning down multiple requests for it to become a Vizier, that's just how authentic and real this flag is.

[b]Mun is just the word Moon with a u instead of a double o. The people need to know![/b]

[img]https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/923359761251074078/923364254290165840/IMG_4894.png[/img]

Unlike the actual person [nation]East Malaysia[/nation], who is thousands of years old, or the nation [nation]East Malaysia[/nation], which is like seventeen years old (eighteen?) or something, this flag of [nation]east malaysia[/nation] isn't a boomer. In fact, it's fairly recent, as was the development of the religion of [nation]East Malaysia[/nation] around Mun, the panther god from the Yuserist pantheon, adapted to fit an independent religion. Of course this has been done before, with the Yuserist god [nation]Lerasi[/nation] becoming Theondume's son Aegis and also the Emperor of the ancient Aivintian civilization, as well as with Sowel becoming one of the 23 main aspects of Tunse for [nation]New Leganes[/nation], but never with so central and prominent a role. This flag is so real that the panther jumped out of the screen, bit my arm off, and jumped in a box, because, after all, it is a cat. Also HAHAHAHHAHAHHAAHAHAHAHAH 69 THAT'S THE FUNNY NUMBER HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH.

[b]"I Swear This Is Not Davelands" is still in the banlist and sometimes I see it and it makes my day[/b]

[img]https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/923359761251074078/923364261688905738/IMG_4895.png[/img]

The Daily Line (formerly Today In TEP) was a big inspiration for my short-lived MoC news broadcast "This Week in TEP" and also for Radio Culture, so I have the utmost respect for it and will not be making fun of it, but I also think coup jokes are kinda stale, and [nation]Davelands[/nation] is probably tired of them, so I'm just gonna talk about the doggo. OMG THAT IS AN ADORABLE DOGGO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS FLAG HAS AN ADORABLE DOGGO!!!!!!!! DAVELANDS'S TITLE AS ADORABLE HAS BEEN USURPED BY THAT DOGGO!!!!!!

[b]Gay Rights[/b]

[img]https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/923359761251074078/923368402846879805/IMG_4896.png[/img]

So what happened here, was I was originally going to do a low effort "Haha grape" reference by writing "Haha" in orange and "gay" in pink, but then I noticed the pretitle [nation]Enlais[/nation] has, "Sapphic Witches." So, I decided to do a low effort "Be gay, do crime" reference instead, and it's much better because I get every color of the Lesbian flag in this flag, and I still don't have to draw three actual women. What a relief. Anyway, I also spent like a whole half hour clarifying that this was an accurate interpretation of the flag without even revealing my intentions so high five me. This flag is so realistic it has already handcuffed me to my computer, put a gun to my head, and told me to draw wacky scenes to prove my identity. Honestly, these CAPTCHAs are getting out of hand.

[b]Foxgirl, I think? IDK I'm not a furry[/b]

[img]https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/923359761251074078/923369709741699122/IMG_4897.png[/img]

Girl with fox tail and long orange hair. 'Nuff said. Now that the flag description for [nation]Tostandia[/nation] (I usually spell it Tostlandia because that would make more sense so I end up not pinging anyone, it's a real problem) is complete, let's talk about me! So I'm pretty sure I have like ADHD or something similar that has just kinda gone undiagnosed, because (this probably sounds stupid) I see a lot of memes and stuff from people who have ADHD about like their experiences and I'm like "Damn that's exactly how I feel, wow ADHD people are so relatable" but like most of the time I'm like "It's probably just a coincidence" and then I read back my CrapFlag dispatches, where I just let myself go absolutely buck wild and just start going off on random tangents, keeping in misspellings, having tons of run-on sentences, and indulging in like 50 thousand distractions and I'm like that "*chuckles* I'm in danger" meme. Anyway, I'm not a furry, Catra could be completely human and I'd still be a fan of her story arc.

[b]Paging Doctor Andy[/b]

[img]https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/923359761251074078/923374606746796052/IMG_4899.png[/img]

[nation]Andusre[/nation]'s flag is really cute, so I decided to do it justice by putting in significant effort. It doesn't look as great, but it's still clearly a smol uwu bean black dragon I don't know why I said that I never say uwu it's a disease. Anyway, keep an eye on the realistic galaxy background, it's a running theme. This flag gave me citizenship, so I'm not complaining.

[b]God[/b]

[img]https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/923359761251074078/923377394310582302/IMG_4900.png[/img]

-Sinia. Godsinia. God, I sound like Barney from How I Met Your Mother. Anyway, this is the flag of [nation]Korsinia[/nation], put in here so that I'd get a lot of upvotes from Thaecia. I am not joking. Thaecian upvotes are probably half the recognition I get for memes like this, it's how I start trending. Thaecia is so cool, you guys, I wish more regions were like that in regards to my memes. Anyway, I had trouble with the little black cross in the center of the white cross, because of that specific kinda wedge shape at the end. I liked how I did it with the top, it looks vaguely like it's coming in, but the rest ended up bad. The joke with the right side was that I did one line super thin but it wasn't even thin enough to show any white so even that's a failure.

[b]Thaecia[/b]

[img]https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/923359761251074078/923377914383323176/IMG_4901.png[/img]

Oh. I...forgot this was on my list. I already talked about Thaecia with the Korsinia flag. What do I do now? <fumbles through notes> I could talk about the Godsinia cult? The joke here could be the ole' switcheroo? Hm, it says here I was gonna make a joke about Greece? Yeah that makes sense. Blue and white, laurels, yeah that could work. Only so far I could go with that, though. Hm. I was gonna make a joke about how my drawing is so bad the laurels look like chains? Maybe turn that into some sort of metaphor? "Thaecia is a prison" sorta deal? That probably wouldn't be funny. I could move it into communism. "Nothing to lose but your chains, which look suspiciously like Lerasi's attempt to draw the Thaecian flag." Maybe make a Thaecian copypasta from the Communist Manifesto. I could talk about Thaempire. Make a Star Wars joke with that? Something like the "Thaecian death star"? What would be Alderaan? TEP? Maybe. OH! I know! I'll spend a whole paragraph talking about the jokes I thought of doing, instead of actually doing any. That would be funny! Totally! This is not sarcasm! Hey, at least it's less work. I wrote these jokes like a few weeks ago, so there's nothing in here about the whole TGP incident, but if I wrote them now, there would be.

[b]Flagosaurus[/b]

[img]https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/923359761251074078/923379609481924689/IMG_4903.png[/img]

Where to start...The neon green may be brighter than the actual flag of [nation]Apatosaurus[/nation], and if so, that was an intentional piece of satire. I was going to color in the dinosaur, but realized that would take too much time and also would ruin the sense of depth going on with the limbs. Speaking of which, the back right one is terrible but we can ignore that, like the Pit in The Magnus Archives episode 97, "We All Ignore the Pit". Onto the authenticity. Imma tell you, this flag was a difficult nut to crack, but I would say this dinosaur is INDISTINGUISHABLE from most of the cast members of Jurassic Park. Mission success. In fact, this flag has already coauthored a defender-aligned Security Council resolution. Dare I say Apatosaurus has been replaced by their own knock-off? I dare say. Much like that one show with Paul Rudd that I didn't finish watching, where Paul Rudd's character gets cloned but with like more energy and muscles and stuff iirc but the original isn't properly killed off, so there's two versions of Paul Rudd just kinda vibing, but one is the actual Paul Rudd and the other is the more perfect clone, who has assumed Paul Rudd's life. You know the show I'm talking about? I've been saying Paul Rudd a lot.

[b]Flag of the Supreme General Admiral Commander Leader Dictator Delegate[/b]

[img]https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/923359761251074078/923380045744054282/IMG_4904.png[/img]

ALL HAIL [nation]AMERION[/nation]!
ALL HAIL [nation]AMERION[/nation]!
ALL HAIL [nation]AMERION[/nation]!
ALL HAIL [nation]AMERION[/nation]!
ALL HAIL [nation]AMERION[/nation]!
ALL HAIL [nation]AMERION[/nation]!
ALL HAIL [nation]AMERION[/nation]!
ALL HAIL [nation]AMERION[/nation]!
ALL HAIL [nation]AMERION[/nation]!
ALL HAIL [nation]AMERION[/nation]!
ALL HAIL [nation]AMERION[/nation]!
ALL HAIL [nation]AMERION[/nation]!
ALL HAIL [nation]AMERION[/nation]!

[b]Inhu- Wait I made that joke already[/b]

[img]https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/923359761251074078/923381681497452624/IMG_4905.png[/img]

There's that hyperrealistic galaxy again. Keep an eye on it. Anyway, what to say on this masterpiece? This is the Mona Lisa of the Modern Age. The paint is rich and vibrant, the shapes firm and imposing, the contrast outstanding. This is a portrait that will go down in history as the best ever drawn. The accuracy and realism with which I sculpted [nation]HumanSanity[/nation]'s flag is a miracle worthy of the Holiday Season. The texturing and vivid spark of it all is so breathtakingly beautiful. When I finished this masterpiece, and saw it completed for the first time, I wept from the pure beauty of it all. I will never fully encapture that feeling again, but looking at this work of art helps. Gorgeous.

[b]Wet Star[/b]

[img]https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/923359761251074078/923382825414197248/IMG_4906.png[/img]

When I took a screenshot of this image, and saw it in my camera roll, I legitimately thought I had taken a screenshot of a jan Misali video. The artistry taking place here is a callback to the roots of the CrapFlags project, where I would literally just put X color words on Y color background describing the flag. This is visible mainly in the minimalist flags of [nation]Bachtendekuppen[/nation] in the original CrapFlags dispatch, and [nation]Andusre[/nation] in Mr. Worldwide edition. [nation]Drystar[/nation]'s flag will go down in history alongside these works of modern art. Honestly, I didn't actually put the text off-center on purpose, but I refuse to fix it.

[b]Praetor/Praeceps the Bunny Rabbit[/b]

[img]https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/923359761251074078/923383512827039794/IMG_4907.png[/img]

Haha bunny rabbit. Look at this cute little bunny rabbit it's so cute you guys. In fact, I think this flag imitation of [nation]praeceps[/nation] automatically raises their Season 2 card to legendary status, institutes another SC commendation, and speeds along Season 3, in which a special category above legendary will be made specifically for this bunny. Honestly, I don't disagree with this hidden feature, Max Barry outdid himself on that one. This bunny deserves the world, and more. Actually, come to think of it, this rabbit looks suspiciously like [nation]Rabbitz[/nation]...Hm...probably a coincidence. Unless...guys I think I invented a new conspiracy theory.

[b]9,999 Islands[/b]

[img]https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/923359761251074078/923384132598386709/IMG_4908.png[/img]

One of the islands self-combusted upon seeing this abomination of nature (abominature?). Now there's just nine thousand nine hundred ninety-nine. That's significantly harder to say, to be honest. What would the new acronym even be? IXK CMXCIX I?? That's a nightmare! They'd have to change the flag from X̅ to I̅X̅CMXCIX as well! It's ridiculous. For a prominent defender region, you should have a back-up island or two just in case this happens! Some sort of contingency plan! What do we do? [nation]Wischland[/nation], I'm sorry for causing this mess, but I'm certainly not going to clean it up! That would be the [i]responsible[/i] thing to do! I'm just a guy that badly draws flags! The little men at the bottom of the flag are distraught, Wisch! What do we do?

[b]TRR flag once all the Marsupials Fedele banjected take over[/b]

[img]https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/923359761251074078/923384849497194506/IMG_4909.png[/img]

This is the second horsey flag I've ever done, and honestly, I prefer this one to the iconic Endorse [nation]Marrabuk[/nation] to 800 flag. It's much simpler and more aesthetically pleasing. I don't know if [nation]Vuy[/nation] themselves designed this flag, or if someone else did, but kudos to them, this flag's cool. It's helped me get over my Fedele-era-induced aversion to the aboriginal flag. Honestly, I just want to take this time to talk about how cool The Rejected Realms flag and imagery are in general. Prominent, consistent symbolism, hints of underworld themes, such as the banner of the forums (don't get me started on that flagpost, it's a gorgeous piece of design work), but also unique regional symbolism that shows how TRR is much more than just the place for ejected nations, it's simply wonderful. AND the Rejected Realms has [nation]The Church of satan[/nation], one of the best NS designers out there, who designed the awesome TEP regional flag? Honestly very jealous of them right now.

[b]The Peasant Thatcherites[/b]

[img]https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/923359761251074078/923387203101544498/IMG_4910.png[/img]

Y'know...like [nation]The Noble Thatcherites[/nation]...but it's a bad drawing...so they're peasants instead of nobles...IT WAS FUNNY IN MY HEAD, OKAY? Anyway, the materials for this flag were hard to come by. Tracking down black spray paint was easy, but finding and capturing a bald eagle to spray the paint onto? Yeah it was basically impossible. So, instead, I just stole the Presidential seal from the US President's little podium, because I'm all for authenticity here at this counterfeit flag operation, and simply recreating it wouldn't be enough. After that, the majority of the flag-making process was spent leading the FBI in circles around the flag factory until the flag got completed. The blue was drawn using the deep blue sea as a reference, and the green was drawn using pine tree needles as a reference. Only the best for the nobility, I suppose. In the end, the flag was completed without a hitch, and the FBI found no evidence. Although I suppose this is a full confession...YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!

[b]The Scientific Method[/b]

[img]https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/923359761251074078/923388617827684383/IMG_4911.png[/img]

The Goose formerly known as [nation]Zukchiva[/nation], aka "[nation]Guess and Check[/nation]" is an elusive target, but my pickpocketing skills are second to none, so it was very easy stealing his flag. Super easy, barely an inconvenience. If Fort Knox had the same security as Zukkini's flag, I would be a billionaire. Actually, is there even a billion dollars' worth of gold in Fort Knox? DAMN! $168 billion! I would be a billionaire 168 times over! Is that richer than Batman? DAMN! Batman only has 80 billion! That's pocket change! What a loser. Wait, does that mean I could become Batman two times over, with 8 billion dollars in change? Worth a shot. Hm, looks like this would make me the third richest person in the world. I can deal with #3. Interesting, the third place right now is Bill Gates with 136 billion, but get this. Number 4 only has 3 billion. What kind of crazy sh*t is that?! That's a wealth divide within a wealth divide! The upper 1% have their own upper 1%! We could see a communist revolution within the ranks of the world's billionaires! That would be hella cool. Anyway, on to the flag. The actual vibes of the flag are clearly much darker, but that's mostly because it's colored in. I couldn't see what color the background is very easily, and I decided coloring it in would be bad for the detailing, so I decided against it. So, it doesn't look great, yeah, but I'm actually pretty proud of the eye and the general shapes drawn here. Zuk, who is this, btw? I've seen this person in your forum profile picture, your discord profile picture, and your flag on this nation, but I have no idea who it is.

[b]Ad Astrobolt Per Asperobolt[/b]

[img]https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/923359761251074078/923404396908400690/IMG_4912.png[/img]

For a long time, I seriously considered drawing like a purple circle and finishing it there, or worse yet, writing the word "Galaxy" in purple text on black background, and the joke there being that I used an actual picture of the night sky for backgrounds in two different flags before this one but didn't even bother putting any effort into this one, which is literally just a galaxy, but I legitimately forgot about that gag and just put actual effort into drawing the galaxy. There's big stars, and little stars, and I think I got most of the colors right. I tried to bleed the galaxy into the greater expanse of space so it didn't look so lonely, because that's what pictures of galaxies, including the flag of [nation]Astrobolt[/nation] actually look like, but I don't think I did a great job. The nuances of all the different colors is also hard to replicate but I think that one ended up good enough. Anyway. This flag is so authentic, so realistic, so flawlessly counterfeit that I actually played a whole game of Stellaris on this image. Like, seriously. My star nation was pretty standard, technocratic, militarist, and autocratic, because I need to be good at military to stand any chance of winning, I hate having good leaders plucked from my pool to do ruler stuff, and because I am always the slowest at developing tech even though there isn't ever a single day that I am not researching, it's just very frustrating. Anyway, we formed the galactic market pretty early on, I got into a few early game wars that the AI wasn't expecting, and got some planets out of it, built up frontier outposts, sent science ships constantly surveying, etc. The end game crisis was the Prethoryn Scourge, which I've never had before, so that was interesting. Yeah they defeated me. Absolutely destroyed me. I never stood a chance. Anyway.

[b]Canadian France + The Shire from the Hobbit[/b]

[img]https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/923359761251074078/923407780583456788/IMG_4915.png[/img]

Here we got a bee-[i]you[/i]-tea-full counterfeit- I mean LEGITIMATE FLAG taken directly off of the nationstates.net nation page of [nation]Quebecshire[/nation]. This counterfeit- I mean LEGITIMATE FLAG is a masterpiece of design. The intracacies of the little lines on the left, crossing through that iconic fleur de lis, the masterfully crafted grey eagle, the intricate coat of arms, this is a ONCE IN A LIFETIME OPPORTUNITY. This flag has already become a major defender personality in the world scale, and frequents the WASC forums. Let's start the bidding on 25 dollars. Do we have $25? We have $25? Do I see a $30, there's a $30, is there a $40, I see a $40, $45, there's a $45, $50? $50. Do I see a $60? $60. $70, $70. $80, I see an $80, do we have a $90 there's a $90 is there a $100 there's a $100 is there a 110, do I see a 110, no 110. Going once. Going twice. I see a 110, do I see a 120, 120, do I see a 140, 140, do I see a 150, 150, do I see a 160, 160, I see a 160, do I see a 170, I see a 170, is there a 180, I see a 180, 200? Going once. I see a 200, 220? 220? Anyone 220? I see a 220, do I see a 240, I see a 240 do I see a 250, I see a 250, do I see a 300? I see a 300! Do I see a 320? I see a 320! Do I see a 336? I SEE A 336! 336 going once... 336 going twice...SOLD FOR 336 BILLION DOLLARS TO THE MAN WHO ROBBED FORT KNOX TWICE!

[b]Krea Griopia[/b]

[img]https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/923359761251074078/923419929368215592/IMG_4916.png[/img]

The flag of [nation]Krea Griopia[/nation]...<listens to earpiece> What? <listens> [i][nation]Grea Kriopia[/nation]?[/i] <listens> Are you sure? <listens more> That sounds kinda stupid compared to the other one. <listens> Oh, they were? <listens more> Oh okay. <listens> Okay. <listens> Alright then. The flag of Grea Kriopia, and I am so so so so so so sorry about the misunderstanding, please upvote this dispatch I subsist off of the meaningless validation of others over the internet and I need you to find me funny, is a symbol of defenderism and hella event planning. Seriously, I think the only reason I even met Grea Kriopia, despite participating in multiple operations alongside them, is because they are at literally every event I plan. So, in attempting to create this infinitely clever forgery, I tried to capture a sense of omnipresence that would really tie the whole thing together. AND IT WORKED. That's right, kids, I sold this cheap knockoff piece of junk to someone who actually thought it was the real flag of Grea Kriopia. What an idiot. Wait why do I hear sirens. Please don't tell me I accidentally sold a counterfeit flag to an undercover cop again. Please please please- Oh god damn it.

[b]Jungle[/b]

[img]https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/923359761251074078/923426775437021195/IMG_4919.png[/img]

This flag of Forest is so great and cool and awesome that it is already surpassing [nation]Fellon[/nation] in environmental whatnots. Honestly, Fellon, Forest is really putting you to shame. Good luck trying to regain your crown, you're really not doing great compared to this titan of environmental whatnot. Seriously. You know, this Forest flag means a lot to me, because recently I discovered that [nation]Middle Barael[/nation], the person who actually suggested expanding this series from just one crappy dispatch to multiple covering flags from around the world, has been appointed Storyteller of the Trees in Forest. From the little I know about Forest, this is a huge deal. Congrats, dude. On to the legitimacy of this flag. I am telling you, this flag is so authentic that I have already discovered nine separate plots to contribute to the flood of TSP folks dragging TNP folks souls thru TEP and then off to Forest as some sort of inducement to move to Forest. It's a real problem. Only [nation]Volaworand[/nation] will understand this joke, but THAT'S OKAY. Niche jokes that aren't funny are kind of my specialty.

[b]StcMooley[/b]

This would be the part where I would badly redraw [nation]dragons blood[/nation]'s flag to close off this dispatch, but honestly? That's bad enough. I don't [i]need[/i] to make a terrible CrapFlag rip-off. This is already so bad. I am so sorry, Stool. I am so sorry. Besides, the haha grape part of the flag is actually something I made in PicCollage, so technically, it's already partly part of the CrapFlag brand. Either way, I think he's had enough flag problems lately. I just feel bad.

Report