2
Dispatch → Factbook → History
by 
The Republic of Vedoria.
.
188 reads.
Battle of Hokage Tomithy's house
- Disclaimer: the events depicted in this factbook can seem nonsensical. This is due to the fact that all the information presented has been taken only from direct accounts of the ground forces involved.[sic] As such, none of the quotations here from any individual can be verified by the governments involved, though all official sources from the govenrments involved do confirm that the battle really did occur.[sic]
Philippine Marines arriving at the house.
Date 17 March 2021
Location The Hokage's house, Sunagakure, Weenusiwania
Result
-Cormorant victory
-Defeat of the Grubhub guy
-Destruction of Tomithy's house
Creatures living in |
Grubhub guy †
Supreme Gen. Congo RAVEN 1-2 † RAVEN 2-4 Hokage Tomithy CAPT Chequita SFC Kong Sir Bulletploof Grass AWACS "Singularity" GEN Renaldo Padilla MAJ Jacqueline Felicidad Prime Minister Ross CAPT Hector Sloan Chancellor Kleist COL Sec MAJ Rakal
• Later in the fight: Morshu
Cloned Tomithy †
Morshu
House Squatters:
Santruvius:
2 DRDO SAAW
anti tank weapons
2x SMK tank
4x CH-47 transport helicopter
12 RAVEN servicemembers
Weenusiwania:
1 Morshu
1 Hokage
8 Special Forces soldiers
1 Magical Dwelf
SFR Philippines:
1 Boeing E-7A EW aircraft
4x Su-37K combat aircraft
8x Su-34 combat aircraft
3x MiG-35 combat aircraft
1 MiG-35D combat aircraft
3x A-10C combat aircraft
Cayenne Minor:
2x F-35C combat aircraft
10x F/A-18E combat
aircraft
5x AH-64 attack helicopter
5x CH-47 transport helicopter
Vedoria:
1 SF Team
1 Grubhub guy †
1 Pteranodon
1 Clone of Hokage
Tomithy †
1 Korean Magpie †
1 Pickle
120-156 dogs
2-5 Japanese Cursed
spirits †
1 Gollum
1 Velociraptor †
1 Large crab †
1 Morshu
1 Magical Dwelf
| 1 Grubhub guy |
. "IM SORRY GRUBHUB GUY, BUT I CAN'T GIVE CREDIT,
. COME BACK WHEN YOU'RE A LITTLE....
. MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM, FAMOUS"
. ― Morshu.
The Battle of Hokage Tomithy's house was an escalated conflict in The Commonwealth of Weenusiwania fought between the Hokage of Weenusiwania along with forces from its several allies and the creatures squatting in his house on 17 March 2021. It began when Hokage Tomithy informed several other world leaders about the existence of Grubhub guy in the basements of his house. As soon as they got word of this, Chancellor Kleist of Vedoria and Sir Grass of the Philippines immediately went over there along with 5 Vedorian VSA guards to track down and eliminate Grubhub guy. As the battle progressed however, it was clear that Grubhub guy's powers were too strong for them alone to handle, and so the Cormorant nations deployed several military units to help in the battle. Cayenne Minor and Santruvius would also hear of this, and send forces of their own.
Setting
- Tomithy's house used to be a relatively normal house until the President of Woinawoima, Bosh Bungus decided to make regular trips to Hokage Tomithy's residence to extort cheese and other food items from the Hokage. The trips were so frequent that the Woinawoiman President's adipose began wearing down the structure of the house, to the point where if he were to sit at its roof, it would collapse the entire roof. In early March, that's precisely what happened. The Woinawoiman President's adipose further weighed down on the floors he landed on, and broke through the floors at such speed and manner that he dug a 45-story deep hole under the house. A few days later, the Hokage would discover creatures from within the Woinawoiman President's magnuventri seeping into the lower floors of his house, and those creatures started eating all his food and raising the electric bill by a hundredfold. On 16 March, it would be discovered that one of the creatures happened to be the man from the Grubhub advertisement; action had to be taken.
The Day before
- The day before, on 16 March, a Vedorian VSA ship and a Filipino GA aircraft would be observing the Woinawoiman President insulting and attempting to extort cheese once again from the Hokage at his house. Soon after, the Hokage would nickname the Philippine Air Force planes as "Waifu planes" which would cause the Filipino craft to send an Experimental Uranium Freefall bomb into Tomithy's house through the hole that the Woinawoiman president created; this resulted in further mutation of creatures in the bottom floor. As this was happening, the Vedorians would eat popcorn while observing the events unfold. General Congo of Santruvius would be discovered to have been asleep there for 5 days after his birthday celebration taking place. He'd wake up to the Hokage shooting at him; he would proceed to shoot everywhere at random. The Woinawoiman President would storm out of the door and break the door along with the frame because of his adipose.
A small firefight would ensue between General Congo and Hokage Tomithy, ending with a Weenusiwanian Captain knocking both of them out. The Woinawoiman President would proceed to do an EMP, disabling the signal in the area, disabling the local Wi-Fi and a Golden Axe Drone. As a result of the Weenusiwanian Captain knocking out General Congo, who is a world leader, sensors from his country's special forces which monitor his brain activity received readings that he was unconscious. This would force them to deploy multiple RAVEN teams to assure his safety. A battle would've ensued right there, if it weren't for the Woinawoiman President going between them and shouting at them to give him cheese, as Hokage Tomithy got knocked out before giving him any sort of food. As all of this was happening, the Golden Axe and the Vedorian Security Assembly were observing and sharing popcorn. Things would escalate when the Woinawoiman President threatened to say a certain word to everyone present, when the conflict stopped. RAVEN was still able to bomb the house a little.
Initial Phase
- The day after, Chancellor Kleist of Vedoria and Sir Grass of the Philippines would be told by the Hokage of Weenusiwania himself that the Grubhub guy was living under his house. They arrived almost instantaneously afterwards; the Vedorian Chancellor would arrive with 4 guards and seemingly a rubbish bin with a plunger, which would turn out to be the 5th guard. The Woinawoiman President would leave soon just to abandon his allies. Kleist and one of the Guards would fall down the hole into the bottom floor and begin exploring, while the rest of the guards would support Hokage Tomithy and Sir Grass. The Chancellor and his guard would continue exploring the bottom floors, encountering dogs previously owned by the Woinawoiman President. They would both encounter some of the creatures, and react to them differently. Hokage Tomithy was scared, Sir Grass was confused, and The Chancellor's guard shot at it immediately, killing it.
The Hokage's group would encounter Morshu, and a small turn-based boss fight would ensue. The Chancellor and his guard would fly back up the hole they fell from and arrive at the small boss fight, completely confused. The Hokage quickly distracted Morshu before having the group flee. They arrive at a floor that's been overgrown with a jungle, with an Arapaima that is strikingly similar to a sentient fish from The fishy states. The Arapaima starts talking about spheres, when the Vedorians and the Hokage fall down a hole to the next floor, and Sir Grass falls asleep next to the Arapaima, which continued talking about spheres. On the next floor, they'd encounter a large crab which was quickly crawling towards them. After the Vedorians shot the crab, they went to the next floor which seemed to be an imitation of Kyoto, Japan for some reason, with criminals surrounding them. The Hokage was scared at their situation, when one of the Vedorian guards just shot multiple times at them, and they all started shooting at the criminals, which would prove to not be that dangerous.
Encounter with the Grubhub guy
- The floor that came right after was an imitation of the long grasslands in Renofaria, where they found the Grubhub guy. The Hokage lashed at the Grubhub guy, and the Vedorians shot at it using their completely non-prochronistic technology, immediately destroying the Grubhub guy, but only temporarily. Sir Grass would soon wake up next to the Arapaima, still talking about spheres, and a small Korean Magpie which had the Hokage's voice. Sir Grass immediately cooked the bird. Chancellor Kleist sensed danger with the Grubhub guy being killed too easily, and called General Congo, who was still in the process of leaving on a RAVEN helicopter. He asked him to beat some stuff up in the Hokage's house, and the General arrived back at the house 30 minutes later. By that time, Sir Grass questioned the rest of the group on leaving him, when the Hokage encountered a clone of himself, immediately fighting eachother. The Vedorians just watched and ate chips.
Congo arrived and asked which one was the clone, with one of the Vedorians responding with "does it matter?" Congo admitted, that it didn't matter; he'd shoot at any Tomithy. The Arapaima kept talking about spheres and Hokage Tomithy's personal spheres. Sir Grass was amused by the Arapaima and kept it as his own pet, naming it "Mark." The Hokage and his clone began to duel with swords, with General Congo and Sir Grass shooting at them, hitting the clone. The clone almost acquired a random WMD; Sir Grass quickly grabbed it with a gravity gun he kept in his pocket, averting a large explosion.
RAVEN forces landing at
the Hokage's house.
Start of the Battle
- Multiple Philippine Air Force squadrons and Philippine Marines suddenly arrived, along with Minori Air squadrons, Minori Varyag special forces, and Santruvian RAVEN units. They arrived with orders to neutralize the Grubhub guy. Prime Minister Ross of Cayenne Minor was woken up by his officers, telling him about the Grubhub guy's existence. The Deputy Prime Minister had already ordered a nearby squadron stationed in the South Atlantic to go there, but Ross himself ordered Special Forces. When the Cormorant forces arrived, they started attacking the Hokage's house and landing forces in it. Sir Grass' old handheld radio began fizzing out with the arrival of numerous friendly contacts, with everyone speaking on the same frequency. The Weenusiwanian military units nearby began panicking with the arrival of so many foreign forces, they thought they were under attack.
Hokage Tomithy quickly addressed everyone that they were allies, and the Grubhub guy had already been neutralized, much to the dismay of their allies. The Hokage was confused as to why there were so many Cormorant forces present when he realized that they all dislike the Grubhub guy. As the Cormorant forces were leaving, the power of the Woinawoiman President's residual Magnuventri energy made it so that the Grubhub guy was suddenly resummoned. They quickly turned around and started attacking. An Elf-Dwarf hybrid that was consuming a lot of the Hokage's broadband switched sides because the Cormorant forces would provide him with free Wi-Fi. Captain Sloan of a Minori submarine aviation cruiser stationed nearby expressed his desire to launch a nuclear shell at the house if the world leaders weren't there. A Philippine squadron flew into the hole that the Woinawoiman President made to bomb the interior of the house. Minori special forces and Philippine Marines began attacking the Grubhub guy, as the Philippine jets launched missiles at him, when Morshu suddenly appeared.
Morshu
- Morshu suddenly appeared, and fought against the Grubhub guy. He roasted the Grubhub guy before attacking him along with some Philippine Marines and Minori Special Forces. Sir Grass' radio overheated and he quickly threw it away before it exploded. Grubhub guy siphened energy from Hokage Tomithy's house, turning off all Air Conditioning. A Philippine pilot began bombing the Grubhub guy whilst flying backwards, surprising most forces involved. A Santruvian RAVEN officer along with a former operative would get into a confrontation about obedience to their orders during the fight. As they were eating popcorn and watching the whole thing, the Vedorians realized they could help by sending one of their own. They had sent Colonel Sec in experimental Vedorian battle armor to fire at the Grubhub guy.
The Hokage's house
exploding, as seen on film.
End of the Battle
- An "anime battle" between Morshu and the Grubhub guy would ensue, to the entertainment of the Vedorians and Santruvians. By this point, General Congo had gotten all of this conflict on tape after returning to the Hokage's house. Everyone had noticed the Vedorian Colonel shouting as he fired at the Grubhub guy. After multiple punches from Morshu and bombing runs from Minori and Philippine aircraft, a Philippine bomb finally ended Grubhub guy. All units involved began cheering in victory. RAVEN 1-2 would be reported as missing afterward. The Minori units would leave towards the Alicorn, the Philippine units would pick up Sir Grass and fly home, the Vedorians would immediately leave for Vedoria, Hokage Tomithy began looking for a new house, and General Congo planted explosives in the Hokage's former house, and detonating them. A glorious explosion occurred, with fireworks flashing obscenities regarding to the Hokage's marital status in the sky. The Santruvians would go on to publish their work as a film, blowing up at the box office worldwide.
Latest Forum Threads