Back in my day all we had was a stick. We named it Jerry. We fought two world wars to protect Jerry the stick. He was a good stick. Then in 5374 B.C. we fought against the Persians in the battle of Hanoi. I was part of a phalanx of 300 Spartans who fought to the death against Japanese dive bombers who rode Pterodactyls with lasers on their heads, the Japanese pilots that is.
Back during the times of the Roman empire Jerry the stick had been stolen by a rival Senator and I had to fight lions, tigers, and Karen to get Jerry back. Of course I only won because the Australians had lost the war with the emus who were invading Rome in order to get the only copy of the Communist Manifesto by Tsar Nicholas II at the time. After that there was a man by the name of King Arthur who pulled a sword out of a stone and everyone in England rebelled against the Roman empire and Napoleon joined in and took over all of Europe and made it France. That year it was illegal for any european to eat anything but baguettes, croissants, and escargot until the Mongols invaded in the year 40,000 B.C.
There was also the time that time when we fought a war Mammuthus primigenius and a Wooly Mammoth to rescue Jerry the stick from the boat mormon vikings who invaded Dublin back when Christopher Columbus discovered America.
Those were the days.