I feel like this is becoming more therapeutic to me than helpful to TWI… anyway! Let’s jump into what’s been going in TWI over the past fortnite fortnight. Definitely fortnight. Just a quick heads up when I do this I’ll likely only do news, TWItter and the League thread unless I got some stuff I want to shamelessly advertise/self promote. If you’re looking for what's going on on a broader scope, take a look at the stuff the Office of RP puts out.
*queue the string quartet*
It’s beginning to look a lot like christmas
Ballots in every town
Take a look at the candidate, they’re garbage once again
With wealth and corruption again.
It’s beginning to look a lot like christmas
But the saddest sight to see is the fighting that is here
In Gael’s Roendavar
Last three lines is what is happening in Roendavar, as the Royal Family announces the death of the King of Roendavar. In Negarakita, politicians are beginning to do what politicians do - make promises they cannot keep. Some Muslims are trying to emulate the Christian Democrats model whilst a “blue wave” I wonder where he got that from is predicted in the nation. Get ready to watch a nuclear meltdown happen as totally not korean nation Cheoju announces that a private company is constructing a nuclear powerplant. In what appears to be a rival for the Alteran Republics’ private sector innovation, a publishing company from Magtel is taking their large book collection online in what the CEO very cringely described as an “e-future”. In Norstham, Icelandic England sprinkled with a bit of Japan, a bunch of people seem to be complaining after a big report comes out saying that the environment has went to the dumps amidst corruption. The Ahnslens quickly sent their condolences to Roendavar and then got the army ready as the ridiculous circus which is the unpronounceable event starting with the letter t (Treiorevikos) was rearing its head once again. Meanwhile, that Ahnslen electoral election continues as Arendai International releases a news post on election day.
Dunik City News, the Oturian outlet renowned for its summaries of complicated and concerning issues narrates Oturia’s embargoing adventures and executions of people with the totally unexpected quote of “communists are less than human”. DCN then attempts to deconstruct Orwell’s ideas about communism by directly contradicting itself. Oturian Conformity vs Communism - I need a buzzfeed style explainer on this. The South Gael Morning Post releases a news post unveiling the realities of the Orsandian War and the refugee burden it brings. SGMP then states that Aruian and Ahnslen media have swept the refugee issue under the rug. Let’s watch as the anti-immigrant Independent Nationalists party in Ainslie uses that as political ammunition in the upcoming Arlanah elections. SGMP then basically says go back to where you came from. Are. You. Kidding. Me. Hold on, let me get the quote I had about Noronica last PTW. Chancellor Hernandez, Noronnican Ruiosan? leader who looks like a celebrity far into his 60s struggles with the pressure launched by the opposition to let refugees into the nation. Hernandez, like most Gaelitic leaders then sought to talk to Gaelitic leaders.
Wow I need to read the news thread better - I haven’t seen this post from Razzgrizz yet... SPAAAAAAAAAACCCEEEEEEE!!!!! Quick, someone call Altera! Appears that Athara Magarat’s educational institutions are exercising their hegemony again under a veil of space exploration. By May, it appears Razzgriz will join a short list of nations that can launch their own space stuff. Looks like there’s economic development stuff about it with significant gentrification occurring as a result of the new space project. Razzgriz has got some decent population growth in the city and it is to become the second most populous city in the nation.
A plane crashes in Arconia as the well named ATSB investigates. We got some liberation going on in Kho Panha as a military general overthrows a dictator through a revolutionary agenda which seems just like a new cycle all over again. Curfews lifted and everyone’s having a good ol campfire near the middle of winter as people from the next nation over saw the bright lights of the fire. Once again, we got our favourite completely unforeshadowy character being ordered around by a pesky democratically elected legislature in Noronica. We got some riots and some looting, yaknow just another day in a place with a revolution. Prime Minister McIntosh, who has already been half mentioned in this edition of Past Two Weeks was straight into the crisis room as it appears that he won’t hang the Overlord out to dry in what seems to be the perfect opportunity to obtain political capital. Unfortunately, after a scan of the article I have not been able to see any blindly ignorant support of the soon to be dictator by any military officials. Right below that we have an advert which is almost as well timed as Altera’s, with a military aviation company stating in its promotional banner that they are “prepared for all eventualities”. I certainly hope so.
We got some HOT NEWS according to KabarSahari in Samudera, with all round bad guy and corrupt lad Hendra Gunauan, head of the nation’s secret service disappearing. Oh Oturia!!! Where art thou man! We also got ourselves a condolences and memorial post for the King of Roendavar from Samudera, a marked difference to Ainslie quick military response. Oh. My. Gosh. ANOTHER ONE!!!! Alright, let me get that quote again. Secretary of State Thurson, from Almorea, someone who looks like a celebrity far into his 60s begins talks with Cheoju and asks calm in Noronica, which looks like its gone way off the cliff already. There was a “working lunch” between the Cheoji President and the Almorean that lasted for seven hours - seriously, how. Slow. do. they. eat. We got ourselves some economic cooperation and trade policies seen as mutually beneficial between a nation with excellent economic performance and one that the wheels are coming off of. Let’s watch as the oligarchs take over Almorea as Cheoju gets the best returns we’ve seen off an investment in a long time. In Dormill and Stiura, the President adopts a press relations policy that has been in Ainslie for years and jumps on the neo-imperialist bandwagon by repositioning the Dormill and Stiura’s defence force as peacekeepers. The bandwagon grows larger as Ruios puts Dormill and Stiura’s policy into action, sending large military convoys into Orsandia (is that a desert I see? We really do need more deserts in TWI.) DAM IT! (I can make that joke cause this situation isn’t real) A hydroelectric plant in Menna Shuli has been attacked by people who will probably end up being executed for walking 1m into Oturian land. A familiar face and layout pops up on Kotelian media, with an assassination attempt on their President leaving him physically unscaved with the post mysteriously vanishing four days later. Elections continue in Dragao Do Mar, as people vote to elect their new Prime Minister. Another angsty “nobody notices this” post from The Libang Herald reveals the remnants of imperialist tendencies in Athara Magarat. Straight after this is an in memoriam post from Roendavar. We are introduced to a #casualcoup in Oturia, as the often concise Dunik City News disappointingly does not use haiku to deliver this important message to the Isles. This installed a monarchy, which the soon to be on fire Roendavar seemed really happy about IC.
Gaelitic peace gets kicked up as a result of innocuous drills between Ruios and everyone’s favourite pseudo-democracy, Vancouvia. Guidelines released for Treiorevikos by the Roendavaran Government, with one being eat your vegetables. There’s a murder in New Totzka whilst the Aruians discuss what exactly to do with a bunch of refugees on their border. Seems interesting given the timing of the SGMP’s post. Aruian Government slams aforementioned war games whilst a riot occurs in Dormill-Stiurian Arvan. Elections finish up in Dragao Do Mar with a new Prime Minister coming to power. Vancouvia, like normal, doesn’t seem to be bothered by allies and neighbours to the war drills getting a little annoyed about not being invited to the war games playdate. Riots calm in Arvan with your unconventional border dispute beginning to flare up a bit. South Gael Morning Post covers the response of Gaelitic nations towards not being invited to the playdate. Almorean President congratulates new Marian Prime Minister, utilising it as an attempt to improve relations with a quote that sounds too much like Trump, or Australian PM Scott Morrison "I know Paulo. I met him when I was a senator. I can tell you, he's a great guy, and he's gonna bring even warmer relations- an even warmer attitude”. Crippled bureaucracy in Menna Shuli gives us a vastly underestimated death toll of 1000 whilst Hailes’ strides to an unsurprising win in the Weslandic elections. New Governor Hailes makes the decision to dump Thuzbek economic migrants in Roendavar after they are successfully processed in the frozen rocky outcrop which is Gresswell Island.
President of Aruia states he won’t be running in the next election and then the Aruia News Agency immediately transitions to *fashun*. Corindia out-Kirsdoff Protocols all of us (how’s that for a throwback. That’s not far off two years old now) and renewables can now cover all of energy demand in the nation. Ruios, basically the only Gaelitic nation that is not in the G4, seems to care even less than Vancouvia about the outcry surrounding people being left out of a playdate. Ruios rushes to the Menna Shuli crisis, likely for PR purposes. A bunch of ripped off ship people get angry at a government who thinks they are getting ripped off by their own constituents and the word. Slow, but still positive growth coming back to Xrevaro after its first fiscal year without a significant natural disaster courtesy of money handed out by the Noronnican Government. Raving lunatics get airtime on TRUTH WIRE NEWS, which shows “Only the facts the Government hides”. I’m just going to put the link here cause the jokes really write themselves around this news post: viewtopic.php?f=4&t=337003&p=35012488#p35012488
So it appears that TWI has turned into an IC version of survivor between all the coups, natural disasters, infrastructure failures, explosions and “barbaric traditions”. So who will outwit, outplay and outlast. Find out in two weeks… I don’t really know how to end this bit… umm… Merry Christmas everyone?
And now we transition into a terrible interlude:
Violent night, firey night
All is lit, all is burned
Round yon troops, overlord and see
A strong democracy dying at speed
Here goes Ainslie’s ally-aye
Here goes democracy
Quiet night, not tonight
Generals overthrow tyrants
Logic streams from an economy
Let’s get all the oligarchs in
Revenue is here-ere!
Exploitation is here.
Negarakitan delegate bursts in and messes up the pronunciation of the t world whilst beginning its quest to protect its money and mosques, veiling it as some defence of minorities. A confused and annoyed Ahnslen delegate responds like a sixteen year old teenage girl who states that nothing will go wrong at that friend’s birthday party tonight. Roendavar’s delegate, who has impeccable dress sense informs the League whilst mentioning the t word much more than most of us feel comfortable acknowledging. Negarakita brings up a claim about peacekeepers as the Roendavaran delegate shuts it down in a very polite way. Ahnslen delegate pretty much rehashes what he said before. Verdonian delegate, the source and nexus of all calm and order in the League eases the tensions in the room. Polar Svalbard’s delegate doesn’t seem to care, as somewhat expected whilst Iosnil’s delegate sends their condolences and states that they are willing to help. Miklanian delegate pretty much tells the Roendavarans that it is their problem whilst a new representative of the league from wanders down the (unmentioned) hallowed halls of the League whilst being filled with briefs on issues being discussed. He introduced a resolution that gets slapped down real quick, accompaining a really long speech. Looks like he definitely read those briefs. Ruios states that there is no need for peacekeepers as Stephanie from Polar Svalbard pretty much sums up international law by stating that this current draft has “no meat and is no more than meaningless words”. The Secretary-General of the League tells people to stay on topic regarding what the Negarakitan brought up whilst the Verdonian states that there’s no need to continue the conversation.
Magtel attempts to get some good PR by preparing to send in emergency service workers after the t-word event. The Dormill-Stiurian delegate states that there’s no need to continue with what the Negarakitan talked about whilst also complaining about the over-bureaucratisation of the League. And here in The Western Isles I thought that we were committed to realism. Secretary-General listens to the Verdonian and allows people to keep talking about the peacekeepers.
Here. We. Go. Again. This is classic league material - the Negarakitan delegate brings up the issue that the Secretary-General said was over. (I’m guilty of doing this myself). Negarakita points out the PR value of what the Magtellian delegate is bringing up. PS: Thanks for the mention Neggy :). We get a return of the angsty introvert from Nezaeva who stated that the “great Nezaeva must voice its agreement to the opposition regarding this volunteer force”. The Roendavaran delegate again reinforces what he has said twice before already whilst the Almorean delegate seeks to get up to speed regarding the t-word event. The Totzkan delegate places a whole bunch of pressure on the Roendavarans like there wasn’t enough already whilst the circus which is the League is finally getting to Parkes, the Ahnslen delegate, who feels like smacking his head against the table below him. The Roendavaran for the fourth time reinforces what he said before.The Mennan Delegate catches delegates up to speed on a dam wall breaking down whilst the Osters quickly rush to the IC and OOC aid of the nation.
Oturia, Corindia, Polar Svalbard and Athara Magarat also seek to aid the nation whilst Ruios begins to deny the nation its own sovereignty for the most noble causes i’ve seen in a long time. Miklania utilises its strategic omnipresence to deliver aid whilst the Ruiosian Delegate appears to not understand what denying a nation’s sovereignty could mean for them. Almorea also offers aid and offers a call to unity - unity, in an active League thread? Looking forward to seeing that!. Oturia requests what sounds incredibly like an army whilst Negarakita discusses the economic implications of what is being suggested and brings up the concept of peacekeepers.
Now we break for a short tune.
Dashing through the wild
In a canonical void
The animals they go
Moving somewhere else
Free canon appears
Oh, what fun it is to take
Something AM begs you to!
Take it please, take it please
Unless AM stops you
Oh what fun it is to take
Canon he gives away
Oh! Take it now, take it now
Take it before its gone
Oh what fun it is to have
Stuff you didn’t make!
Random Ahnslen person complains about the Riverside Plaza not being near a river whilst Her World gives us all the goss on a season of what seems to be a popular series. Arendai International confirms what people already knew for three weeks, that Brianna Hailes will become the Governor of Wesland. Celebrity far into his 60s crossed with mexican drug lord Chancellor Don Hernandez authorised peacekeepers and the military to help the rebuilding of Orsandia with a hashtag that truly belongs in that innovative soon-to-be corporatocracy we all know about.
Kotelian media casually tweet about an assassination attempt on the nation’s Presideent whilst the Almorean President wishes for safe and fortuitous elections. The “Civil Rights Movement” continues to clash with Alteran authorities and lowkey Noronnican mercenaries. Altera’s social credit system comes in handy. Totzkan Comissario congratulates the PM-Elect of Dragao Do Mar whilst herworld simplifies the recent Gael tensions as a failure of the patriarchy. Oturian Monarchs comment to herworld, stating that their President who kinda messed up the nation was in fact a female. Herworld points out the summary-prone publications of Oturia whilst making themselves look like they’re a thirteen year old teenage girl who got their first iPhone 4.
New Totzkan Bureau of Foreign Affairs sends out prayers to the victims of the dam wall attack in Menna Shuli whilst the Alteran Republics continues its path to corporatocracy by saying that the appointment of new politicians may be given to senior figures from within major corporations. Ryansan, new Alteran overlord out to make a profit, points out the economic benefit of his policies. Church in Oturia donates to Menna Shuli victims in what can totally not be seen as subtle missionary work. Herworld blames almost all criminal activity on the patriarchy.
Since you’re here…
....we have a small favour to ask. More people are recognising Ainslie’s pointless, sarcastic and thankfully region-restricted journalism than ever but collaborative efforts are only rising moderately. And unlike one past form of this publication, we haven’t disappeared after one edition. So you probably still can’t see why we should ask for your help.
Well, that last dignity destroying song parody was actually promoting something that long time roleplayer Athara Magarat has been doing recently. As he moved map spots, he’s been looking for new people to have his animals native to their country and as a result host the factbook or dispatch centred on that animal. Now, there has been a good response so far, but…
If everyone who reads this, who likes this, doesn’t mind this, or downright hates it, helps to support this, these animals’ futures in our regional canon would be much more secure and our geographical canon could be a lot stronger. For as little as a few telegrams to Athara Magarat and some reading of his dispatches, you can support canon here in The Western Isles. Thank You.
Telegram Athara Magarat -> Using this link, or just a standard telegram found up near your browser’s toolbar