Issue #55: Bigtopian Protesters Cry for Full Integration

05/07/2018 18:11
El Revolucionario, FM 88.7 (English translation)

Welcome! I'm Eduardo Fernández, here in radio El Revolucionario, and let's get straight to the news!

Today's third issue of The Argentigrad Times is here, and it reads:
Bigtopian activists have staged a sit-in at the largest primary school in Argentigrad bringing education to a halt in a bid for integration and tolerance.

The debate starts:
“You know... it’s not that we don’t let them in... it’s that they don’t apply,” murmurs Principal Angus Ward, coughing nervously. “I mean, yeah, sure, if these Bigtopians lived around here... uh... we’d let them into the school. But... you know... this isn’t exactly a Bigtopian community, you know? So... uh... could you please put a stop to these protestors? Oh, and, uh...” Here he leans forward and whispers. “... make sure those creepy Bigtopian protestors don’t show up at my school again, okay?”
“The time has come for the dream of equality to be realized!” shouts noted Bigtopian rights activist Freddy Curtis, slamming a fist against your desk. “I see Lilliputians, Tasmanians, and Lord knows how many East Lebatuckese keeping my Bigtopian brothers holed away in their prisons of blindness and ethnic apartheid! The time has come for full integration! If these schools are going to keep us out, I say it’s time we were bussed in!”
“Well, that’s all well and good, but it ain’t well and good enough!” screams Lisa Kringle, leader of Bigtopians Rising Against Totalitarianist Scum, slamming a black-gloved fist against the podium during a recent pep rally. “We ain’t just bein’ kept out of their schools; we’re bein’ kept out of their neighborhoods! The oppressive majority fears us, but they can’t hold us back any longer! The government needs to integrate the community as a whole by pushing out the majority and making way for a very loud, very angry minority!”

After an hour and 16 minutes of discussion, all 24 provinces voted in favor of integrating minority children in schools.
As a result, minority children spend hours bussing to schools miles away from home.

And now for the stats:
Public Transport increased from 2,294.21 to 2,417.01 (5.4%)
Inclusiveness increased from 126.62 to 130.80 (3.3%)
Government Size increased from 20.10 to 20.20 (0.50%)
Economic Output increased from 1,885,000,000,000 to 1,892,000,000,000 (0.37%)
Average Income increased from 41,898.86 to 42,042.99 (0.34%)
Taxation increased from 72.94 to 73.13 (0.26%)
Tourism decreased from 1,124.31 to 1,123.25 (0.09%)
Sector: Manufacturing decreased from 183.54 to 182.91 (0.34%)
Average Disposable Income decreased from 11,354.59 to 11,309.57 (0.40%)
Cheerfulness decreased from 52.44 to 51.96 (0.92%)
Weather decreased from 97.00 to 96.00 (1.0%)
Niceness decreased from 20.70 to 20.42 (1.4%)

This has been El Revolucionario, 88.7 FM. See you all next time... ¡Viva el pueblo! ¡Viva la patria!