The Eternal Misfortune of Xynlandia is a gargantuan, efficient nation, ruled by some random guy with an iron fist, and remarkable for its strictly enforced bedtime, triple-decker prams, and hatred of cheese. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 21.312 billion Xynlandians are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The enormous, corrupt, moralistic, socially-minded, well-organized government prioritizes Defense, although Law & Order is also considered important, while Education and Welfare are ignored. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of XXXX. The income tax rate is 100%.

The frighteningly efficient Xynlandian economy, worth an astonishing 14,587 trillion Xyniums a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is an enormous, deeply entrenched, highly specialized black market in Arms Manufacturing. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is a breathtaking 684,492 Xyniums, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Oracles predict landslide victories for some random guy for the next 50 years, minefields are being deployed along the border to discourage potential emigrants from trying to leave, the national Police Academies have dedicated infant wings, and Red Cross demand for body bags is rising while sutures go unused. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force. Xynlandia's national animal is the Xylophone, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation, and its national religion is the best religion.

Xynlandia is ranked 118^th in the world and 3^rd in Pencil Sharpeners Puppet Storage for Highest Average Incomes, with 684,492.55 Standard Monetary Units.