The Federal Republic of United States of Medford is a gargantuan, safe nation, ruled by President Lewis Von with an even hand, and renowned for its museums and concert halls, keen interest in outer space, and free-roaming dinosaurs. The compassionate, humorless, devout population of 14.98 billion Medfordians are fiercely patriotic and enjoy great social equality; they tend to view other, more capitalist countries as somewhat immoral and corrupt.

The medium-sized, corrupt government juggles the competing demands of Administration, Law & Order, and Healthcare. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Newice. The average income tax rate is 91.6%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Medfordian economy, worth a remarkable 3,313 trillion Medford Dollars a year, is quite specialized and led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Tourism, Arms Manufacturing, and Book Publishing. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an amazing 221,171 Medford Dollars, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.5 times as much as the poorest.

Choking on Medford Dollars is a leading cause of death for wild animals, only vaccinated citizens may have free healthcare, stony-faced ratings board panelists are unamused by free lap dances, and the Medfordian Intelligence Agency has put 'Project Quantum Refrigerator' on hold indefinitely. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. United States of Medford's national animal is the Medford, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Church Of Medford.

United States of Medford is ranked 313,999^th in the world and 5,939^th in The North Pacific for Most Primitive, scoring -723.93 on the Scary Big Number Scale.