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The Finntopian Empire: An Overview (WIP)

Razorbills live here.
You get a top hat and sword when you graduate from third-level education.
We have heated sidewalks.
Access to water, electricity, internet, and literacy are all around 100%.
Cigars are more popular than cigarettes/vapes.
Public transport is rare but fast, clean, and spacious.
The average height is 6 foot for men, and 5 foot 6 inches for women.
All citizens are natives because we've never allowed slavery or immigration.
The average IQ is 111.
The national dish and flower are blackberries, we make ice cream and cakes out of them.
We have Grandfather Frost, and call him Father Frost.
Classes are high quality, everyone gets the same sex education, and there is no homework/uniforms/payment.
The architectural style is Renaissance, both interior and exterior.
The most popular video game is Skylanders, with Minecraft in second.
Tipping is rare, but not rude.
There's a pact every nation signed, saying we don't have to come to aid in wars, but if anyone declares war on us, everyone has to declare war on them, signed by all countries, partly recognized ones too.
The timezone is +12.
The tallest building is 542m, "The High".
We use LinkWeekend Wednesday.
The year starts on Monday, January 1st.
One Month is 30 days, with a 5-day bonus weekend at the end of the year.
March is called Marchuary, April is Apruary, May is Jmay, and August is Jaugust.
The national colour has the RGB value #B00B69.
Our Top-Level Domain is FE.
we're very punctual.
We're in the UN.
We use market-communism with labour vouchers.
We've never had a war.
We use the LinkDutch version of red light clearances.
Days are ten hours, there is one hundred minutes in an hour, and one hundred seconds in a minute. There is 100,000 seconds in a day, seconds are shorter. Since we count using base 11, things like counting for hide and seek aren't affected much.
The Storm Dynasty has been going since the start of the nation, around 1100 BC when all 7 main islands united under the largest tribe.
There have been 100 leaders (but we use base 11), all called Yzń🅱️rg. At the moment, we are on Yzń🅱️rg XCI.
The Patriot Act and all similar laws don't exist.
Candiru fish don't exist.
The DPRK's basketball rules are used.
Pluto is considered a planet.
Affirmative action exists nowhere.
Finnperialectricism is imperial and metric mixed together, it's the system we use.
The measurements:
Unconsentual body modification
Ibubble bubble wrap
splashing someone with your car (if it's most likely on purpose)
giving alcohol to a moose
and child beauty pageants are illegal.
There is no maximum road speeds anywhere.
No one is above the law.
You are innocent until proven guilty.
Law does not take gender into account.
Lying about rape has the same punishment as rape.
Driving at 16
Weapons (with a licence, training, and mental assessment)
All drugs (20)
Saying anything at any volume
and driving with no seatbelt are legal.
Planes must use LinkModified Steffan boarding.
Our navy is made of old fancy boats with cannons. The army is Weaponised Assault Penguins, "WAPs". Penguins we gave homes, apache revolvers, and training. WAPs are on the flag, being heroes Steve (right) and Mel.
The motto in English is "What's the motto with you? Don't just do something, stand there!"
We use the undecimal number system and the new number is 𓅱, which is also punctuation meaning ".?".
The word for the day after tomorrow is pinga.
◌́ tells you to say the letter out loud.
ඞ is the letter used for the sound sh, and ɣ is used for v.
Punctuation marks are at the start of a sentence.
Interrobangs are used.
Eyira/eyim are pronouns for single gender-neutral entities.
The alphabetter: q𐎆◌́rtypzdඞfŢgʃjŋlXɣ🅱️nm.
Banana has 1 more na.
We have a word that uses all the letters, meaning feeling everything.
For feeling you have to do something before you die, we say lfyqĺ𐎆.
We roll rs.
We use bifle, verschlimmbessern, ereyesterday, abbiocco, wubalubadubdub, hiraeth, dépaysement, iktsuarpok, go scratch the armpits of an earthworm, playing chess with the pope, The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows, and ceol (music).
Baby cheetahs are called cheetos, toes: feet fingers, sexual tension: bangxiety, Soccer/Football: Shoeball, an/a: y.
The plural for Shrek is Shreek (moose, meese), and the singular of Sheep is shoop (spelt differently).
There are no capital letters, except for X, which is always capitalised.
England, Northern Ireland, Brittany, and the British Antarctic Territory are part of Ireland.
Sakhalin is split between Japan and Russia.
Tokelau, Clipperton, Jarvis, and Ball's Pyramid are Finntopian land.
River Gambia is all part of Gambia.
The Poland-Lithuanian Commonwealth
Turkey and Greece (Rome)
Yucatán Peninsula (Yucatan)
and the United States of North America (US, Canada, St Pierre and Miquelon and Baha California) are united.
Finland has pre-WW2 borders.
The top part of Equitorial Guinea is part of Cameroon, and the bottom part is part of Gabon, which is called Grabon.
Pakistan and Bangladesh are part of India.
The Gaza Strip is the only Palestinian land.
Guadeloupe (Karukera)
The Turks and Caicos
The Don Republic
Wessex (Sussex)
French Guiana (Amazonia)
Newfoundland Island (Labrador)
Both Virgin Islands (Virgin)
Ducie and Oeno
Saint Barthelemy
Sparti (Sparta)
Novgorod Republic
Réunion (Reunion)
Saint Helena
Ascension and Tristan da Cunha
New Caledonia
Wallis And Futuna
Western Sahara (Sus)
Isle of Man
Tanna Tuva
Pandaya except for the Sri Lankan part (Tamil Kings)
Kaliningrad Oblast (Prussian Teutonic Order)
Neutral Moresnet
South Georgia and the South Sandwich Islands
East Turkestan (Uyghur)
Bora Bora
French Flanders
British Indian Ocean Territory
and Ottowa are independent.
The left part of Azerbijan is part of Armenia.
Inner Mongolia is owned by Mongolia.
Iberia is united as Pain.
Latvia is called Flatvia and is a perfect rectangle.
Papua New Guinea is called Papua and owns the whole island.
Benin is called Dahomey.
Guinea-Bissau is called Bissau.
Oceania is called Sugondese.
Sierra Leone is perfectly circular.
Eritrea is part of Ethiopia.
Crimea is part of Ukraine.
No Paraguay/Mississippi.
New Jersey is called Fendara.
California is split into a left and right wing state, the right wing one on top is called Tenandrama.
South Africa and Lesotho swapped.
The Kingdom of Bugoslavia is Yugoslavia with Albania and Bulgaria and is a country.
Burkina Faso is part of Niger.
Alaska is part of Liechtenstein.
Gibraltaris part of Spain.
Ceuta and Melilla are part of Morocco.
The detached part of Angola is owned by the Congo.
Guam and McDonald County are states.
The detached area of Michigan is part of Wisconsin.
We have 282 cities.
We have no valentines day for happiness, suicide rates, and keeping births evenly distributed. We don't have any months as celebrations, we use days to celebrate things. There are no days when we gained new rights, as we never had to fight for them. There is no internet safety day. There is no days off that don't have a purpose. We have Being Alive Is Jolly Cool Day. On this day, everyone will take a day off work, school, or Unemployment. We will eat doughnuts, go for leisurely strolls in the park, and be cool to everyone. Around three O'clock we will all solemnly put our hands over our hearts and pledge:
"that as the sperm that won the race, as the mud that woke up, as a blob of carbon currently taking the shape of a human, I do declare that the world is jolly cool, and being self-aware is jolly cool, and I shall henceforth open doors for people, and fill pints right up to the top with only minimal foam, and endeavour not to be a knob unless it's indispensable. And I do hereby furthermore declare that getting bored in a universe this weird is unacceptable, and if that happens, I should probably take up the tuba, or organize a water fight."
We shall have bad days, we shall have good days, all while remembering most things in the universe don't even have days at all, even if it's all a facade, there is something inside that knows it's a thing, and that it's the cat's pyjamas. That it is the veritable lobster's bottom, and there will be hats, free beer, and bouncy castles. And I will see you there, carbon units.
Fear is an automatic response in your brain to perceived scary stuff. But fear itself is not under your conscious control. It's automatic, so not you. It's a thing your brain does, but it's not a thing conscious you does. There's stuff in your brain you don't control, there's stuff in your brain that you do control. Stuff that is you. Let's find out where the line is. For most of the day so far, you've been blinking and breathing automatically. Congratulations, keep it up. But now you're thinking about it. You'll forget about, becomes automatic. What about the things you like? Good music activates the part of the brain dealing with euphoric reward response. Did you choose your taste? You'd choose to like everything. What presses your musical, food-ish, social buttons, is out of your control. No control of what scares you, survival stuff, enjoyment. If you're a native English speaker or fluent in English, you're not choosing to understand those words, they're coming in, and your brain is doing the work. High-level stuff? Playing instruments, driving a car? That must take awareness. Play an instrument, notice your fingers know what they're doing. Drive, it's possible to get from A to B in a car spending the entire time having an argument with your dad (he hasn't bought you an Etch A Sketch), never actually thinking about changing gear or pushing the pedals. High-level motor coordination when you practice, is automatic. Simple motor tasks are in your control, moving a hand, leg, etc. Benjamin Libet did an experiment by getting people to press a button randomly when they felt like it, monitoring their brain activity. The brain seemed to prepare to push the button for a disturbing length of time before people choose to press it. Problems with experiments exist, but it seems like the systems underneath you, underneath being conscious, may be way more essential than conscious systems themselves, choosing to do stuff, a game the brain plays to justify its actions. Fear isn't you, survival isn't you, preference isn't you, lots of motor control isn't you. Balancing when you walk, falling asleep, waking up, remembering who you are, where you are, when you are, fetching memories, taking all the perceptions that are coming through your senses and turning them into coherent pictures of the world, processing everything at the same time, processing text, perceiving colour, all automatic. Do you control anything, you silly clever mess‽ An automatic process in the brain might be the system that says: "I'm sentient. Something's in me experiencing." You may be a lie, but unique. We don't know how self-aware other animals are. No animals recognize their reflection except some great apes, dolphins, elephants, magpies. Species in the universe, if around a while, may be self-aware. We seem to think advanced aliens went down similar lines to us: start as cells, evolve, build fast food joints, smoke. But self-aware? Maybe evolution made mammals on earth self-aware because it's better for problem-solving, or it was one of those weird drunken experiments nature undertakes, like platypuses, or Winchester. Maybe we just got really lucky. This might be a one-time trick in the Universe, and we got to take it for a test drive. And that really gets one thinking. The date for Being Alive Is Jolly Cool Day is February the 17th, the date of Finn Storm I's birth. We also have ape day on the 20th of April, with an emphasis on gibbons. There is spoon day on June 6th, where you only use spoons. 1st of September=ber day, where we drink beer to signify the months ending in ber.
Robe-like towels are a good way to signify love for the gods, typically made of towel-like material. The Gods are a bear and a goose, who made up a juicy, delicious gobstopper right in the middle of nothingness, then smashed it with a meat tenderizer, spilling the contents everywhere. This is often known as the big bang. This gobstopper was full of all the magic and energy of the universe. Followers of the religion believe that after you finish the game of life, you are greeted with many choices, displayed like a video game, as life is believed to be a simulation run by the bear and goose. The options are "quit game," "nothingness for a while," "next level," "restart," "previous level," "spectate," and "scores." If you find yourself in conversation with another human, who is boldly making declarations about things that are still totally unknown, as if we got to this point by just making things up and being confident about them, "Ahhh, consciousness is so simple! How haven't scientists worked it out?" etc, you just reply, "NOKYO." It stands for "NO ONE KNOWS YET, OKAY‽" Gods=bear+goose coming from the previous universe, making this one better. Never say anything to a penguin that the penguin has not said to you. When walking along the side of the harbor in the evening after the penguins came in from the ocean to nest, there's 1 penguin by the footpath and when it saw you it kept saying brrhe so you say it back. It seemed to like that, you had a lovely conversation where you kept saying it to each other. You crouched two meters away and kept talking. It moved towards you, seeming to prefer your company to the heartless embrace of the sea, then you make the mistake of trying to change things, saying hweigh, which is something a previous penguin said to you. This penguin hates it, leaves, and never says another word. You feel rude. Francis of The Filth is partly canonical, as well as the Christian bible. Praying is at the 17th minute of an hour. It believes the chicken came first because eggs can't come. Wednesday is the day of praying/going to church.
Civil Rights and Political Freedom are canonical (Average Disposable Income as well in the future). In the future we plan to have No Immigration and Monarchy. The changed statistics are Economy (100), Taxation (0), Wealth Gaps (0), Income Equality (100) and population (7,286,034).
The Finntopian Empire's a land of bright sun, where the people are full of glee, where medicine is free (yay pills), and where there's a perfect amount of chills.
You hear the Finntopian cheer, so you grab a beer.
Glory to the islands, glory to the sea, glory to all Finntopians (chanting) "like me! like me!"
Where we are all free and full of glee.
People of the world, unite, don't fight, we need to stick together, it will make our country better, the land of perfect weather.
Standing here, I realize you were just like me, trying to make history.
I've curved my own path, you've followed your wrath.
The world has turned, so many have burned.
In many other countries, life is so bland, I feel new life could be born beneath the blood-stained sand.
Where you can make money like Monaco, pay rent like Vietnam, work like Estonia, (chanting) "yes glory to Finntopia! Yes, glory to Finntopia!"
This is where I've chosen to be.
For home is where I hang my towel and I've chosen thee!
To our beloved Emperor, I pledge my fealty.
Home is where I hang my towel, this land is for me!
(chanting) "All hail! All hail The Finntopian Empire! All hail! All hail! Within certain reasonable limits!"
I have seen the penguins marching, to all of the world's ends.
If home is where I hang my towel, it's better with friends!
I've visited different lands, I've seen cultures worldwide, I'll choose to hang up my towel in the Empire with pride.
(chanting) "All hail! All hail The Finntopian Empire! All hail! All hail! Within certain reasonable limits!"
My eyes have seen the glory of the starships off to war, Oh they may not be real, but I've imagined them before, accompanied by action-figure armies on the floor, and they go marching on.
Reality, so long!
Not the greatest nor the largest is the Empire, Nor the richest or the coolest in the mire.
But only one country is mine, and it fills my heart with fire.
"When I heard about this place, I had to go check it out. So far, I found it one of the most unique places I've ever been to. I learned about Robe-ism, and it had something to do with meat and towels or something. Plus, I got the chance to meet many Finntopians there, I have to say that, despite being kinda loud, they are some of the nicest people I've met, similar to Canadians when I visited their country a while back. Finntopia also had some delicious barbecues and meat, and I had some of the best blackberry-based deserts ever. I also enjoyed visiting many of their cities, like Sigma City, Pink City, Wolfgang City, and my personal favourite, Killian City. This is, in my opinion, a great place to visit, and I would visit anytime given the chance. 10 stars." - Peso Yeskeviq, Anthro tourist.
"This place was very nice, I liked learning about the culture, history, and overall the nation was very good, 10/10”-A Hawaiian Cashier taking his family on Vacation. "My brother, his girlfriend, and I were visiting Finntopia for definitely not drug-related reasons. We were in Drew City when it happened. I forgot to mention that my brother's and his girlfriend brought their Cavalier King Charles Spaniel because it has separation anxiety. Right, anyway, so we're walking through a sea of people, and the dog is getting kinda nervous. The girlfriend pets the dog, because it's clearly overwhelmed by all this, and she goes, "shh, it's okay, my little fur baby." Now, the weirdest thing happens, right? We hear a creak above us, and an old woman pokes her head out and shrieks, impossibly loud: "she said the thing! The dog thing!" Everyone, I mean everyone, even a baby in a stroller, turns to us and glowers. Then, the baby throws its pacifier at us. The mother throws the baby at us. Everyone is just throwing everything they can at us, and we have to duck into a dark ally and crawl into a dumpster, just to avoid the forming mob. We hid out there all night. But other than that little culture shock, it was a lovely country. Very psychedelic." - Jan Walters
"Damn, this place is weird as heck. Which is why I decided to try local drugs. I mixed LSD, booze, weed and some peyote, plus something else, and under the influence, I tried to know, what the heck is Ro🅱e-ism. Turns out, that god has a robe and it's actually a bath towel, which is why the world is a video game and when ya' die, ya' get a menu. And there is no "Valhalla" in it. Also, my pal said that I shouldn't call local animals "Fur babies", cuz if I do, they'll charge at me with pitchforks for whatever reason. Heck, even the flag is strange! I swear that I am gonna buy a load of souvenirs, cuz if I tell folks in the beach bar about that travel, they won't believe me unless I show them the proof. And yeah, I'll return there again and again, cuz I like it here."-Sky Reaver. "Jolly good day of Being Alive, God is real 'cause towel robes, I don't know if this is all real or some sort of brain damage manifestation I never heard about? This one is pleasant, folks are rather friendly, religion is not some puritanical one. Now, I feel it's all real. Reality checks establish this. I got lucky during that time and this place is real?! Awesome dudes! I'll stay a while longer!" - Man-At-Arms.
"This is truly a wondrous place. In many of my travels, I have met no country other than The Finntopian Empire which continues to baffle and astound me with constant culture shocks not even an Electricity monk could bear to withstand. After doing some enjoying and exploring the lush countryside and walking along the beaches, eating an ice cream mounted with a blackberry on top in hand, I had sat down on a bench to watch the sunset over the nearby peninsula, when I struck a philosophical conversation with a nearby man, who had been down on his luck but fortunate enough to live and get by. I told him of my land of Lingdao, and about the philosophy of reaching enlightenment through bringing one's self to a physical and mental peak above what most humans think they are capable of. In turn, he started preaching to be about a rather odd religion. the prospect of a world where God is wearing a bath robe that's actually a towel, and that when one passes, they are merely sent to a 'game over' screen rather than an afterlife. I jokingly asked him what would happen if I went to check my 'score', he simply said something along the lines of 'nokyo'. I was confused and asked him what this meant, but then he shouted 'NO ONE KNOWS YET, OKAY!?' If it weren't so harsh, I would have laughed at that incredulous joke, but then we saw a truck swerve and crash into a pole, before a visibly intoxicated zookeeper emerged from it, rushing urgently in genuine fear to see the contents before bursting into maniacal tears about her Cheetos? I felt even more confused rather than supportive. Someone getting this distraught and horrified at the sight of her snacks being ruined? I wanted to go over there help and support her initially, but I thought the healthiest option for me was to get out of this crazy place as night would fall, so I gave the man a single zhu and wished him good luck in these trying times before fleeing back to my hotel. But other than that, I found my trip here quite rejuvenating, and I will treasure this moment forever in my mind, for I will never experience something quite this bizarre in the rest of my travels." - a Lingdao monk