The Colony of Teaia is a massive, efficient nation, ruled by The Manager Comittee with an iron fist, and renowned for its digital currency, frequent executions, and triple-decker prams. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, devout population of 3.578 billion Teaians are ruled with an iron fist by the corrupt, dictatorship government, which oppresses anyone who isn't on the board of a Fortune 500 company. Large corporations tend to be above the law, and use their financial clout to gain ever-increasing government benefits at the expense of the poor and unemployed.

The relatively small, moralistic government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Spirituality, and Law & Order. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Ooty. The average income tax rate is 19.9%.

The powerhouse Teaian economy, worth 309 trillion Quintos a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with major contributions from Information Technology, Basket Weaving, and Retail. Average income is 86,500 Quintos, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 3.5 times as much as the poorest.

Weather reports simply advise Teaians to 'look outside', most academic research has ground to a halt, matryoshka dolls resembling nested Death Stars are commonly sold, and The Manager Comittee has decreed that one must think of cheese upon reading the word mouse (Teaia has found 1 easter egg). Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force. Teaia's national animal is the Nothings, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation, and its national religion is Conjointism.

Teaia is ranked 67,774^th in the world and 1^st in Greatest Unojo for Largest Cheese Export Sector, scoring 3,598.1 on the Mozzarella Productivity Index.