The United Socialist States of Svordovia is a massive, genial nation, ruled by Ivan Petrovich with an iron fist, and notable for its complete lack of prisons, frequent executions, and devotion to social welfare. The compassionate, cynical population of 2.051 billion Svordovians are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The enormous, corrupt, socially-minded government juggles the competing demands of Administration, Defense, and Education. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Svorgrad. The average income tax rate is 84.3%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Svordovian economy, worth 222 trillion rupiahs a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector is led by the Tourism industry, with major contributions from Arms Manufacturing, Information Technology, and Book Publishing. Average income is an impressive 108,439 rupiahs, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Exceptionally healthy police officers can sprint after crooks for hours on end, five-year-olds chanting "Little Miss Muffet" are accused of bullying arachnophobes, the military maintains a fierce arsenal of 'Cure Missiles', and high-income earners pay a 100% tax rate. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Svordovia's national animal is the wolf, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Nestorianism.

Svordovia is ranked 23,461^st in the world and 335^th in The Communist Bloc for Lowest Crime Rates, with 89.57 law-abiding acts per hour.