The Second Best Colony of Second Best Puppet 59 is a colossal, efficient nation, ruled by Noah with an even hand, and remarkable for its public floggings, ritual sacrifices, and absence of drug laws. The hard-nosed, humorless, devout population of 8.318 billion Second Best Puppet 59ians are highly moralistic and fiercely conservative, in the sense that they tend to believe most things should be outlawed. People who have good jobs and work quietly at them are lauded; others are viewed with suspicion.

The large, corrupt government juggles the competing demands of Administration, Industry, and Law & Order. The average income tax rate is 91.1%.

The frighteningly efficient Second Best Puppet 59ian economy, worth a remarkable 1,705 trillion cards a year, is fairly diversified and led by the Retail industry, with major contributions from Information Technology, Woodchip Exports, and Uranium Mining. Black market activity is rampant. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an amazing 204,983 cards, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 4.9 times as much as the poorest.

Heartbroken parents are urged to "smile for the camera", child adoption by homosexual couples has been outlawed, the media seems excessively interested in what Noah is wearing this season, and Second Best Puppet 59 recently hosted the least successful trade negotiations since The Phantom Menace. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Second Best Puppet 59's national animal is the legendary, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation.

Second Best Puppet 59 is ranked 6,449^th in the world and 12^th in Two for Most Cultured, scoring 143 on the Snufflebottom-Wiggendum Pentatonic Scale.