The Second Best Colony of Second Best Puppet 38 is a colossal, orderly nation, ruled by Noah with an iron fist, and renowned for its keen interest in outer space, frequent executions, and spontaneously combusting cars. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless, devout population of 8.109 billion Second Best Puppet 38ians are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The large, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Industry, Administration, and Law & Order. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 92.9%.

The frighteningly efficient Second Best Puppet 38ian economy, worth a remarkable 1,444 trillion cards a year, is fairly diversified and led by the Retail industry, with major contributions from Uranium Mining, Woodchip Exports, and Beef-Based Agriculture. Black market activity is rampant. Average income is an impressive 178,124 cards, but there is a large disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 757,406 per year while the poor average 26,979, a ratio of 28.1 to 1.

The Hanging Gardens account for half of Second Best Puppet 38 City's water use, soldiers are "encouraged" to advance by armed officers behind them, summer science camps are regularly raided by narcotics police, and Maxtopian Grass flags adorn every college dorm room. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Second Best Puppet 38's national animal is the legendary, which is also the nation's favorite main course.

Second Best Puppet 38 is ranked 8,441^st in the world and 432^nd in Two for Nudest, with 1,086 cheeks per square mile.