The Second Best Colony of Second Best Puppet 34 is a colossal, cultured nation, ruled by Noah with an iron fist, and renowned for its aversion to nipples, pith helmet sales, and restrictive gun laws. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 8.143 billion Second Best Puppet 34ians are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The large, corrupt, moralistic government juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Administration, and Industry. The average income tax rate is 95.1%.

The frighteningly efficient Second Best Puppet 34ian economy, worth a remarkable 1,574 trillion cards a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Retail industry, with significant contributions from Woodchip Exports, Information Technology, and Uranium Mining. Black market activity is rampant. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is an impressive 193,373 cards, but there is a significant disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 589,817 per year while the poor average 49,171, a ratio of 12.0 to 1.

Research into 'designer babies' is banned, modern warfare's call of duty isn't popular with gamers these days, youth rights demonstrations often end in vicious snowball fights, and girls who wear lipstick are berated for pandering to male gazes. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Second Best Puppet 34's national animal is the legendary, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation.

Second Best Puppet 34 is ranked 32,673^rd in the world and 350^th in Two for Largest Basket Weaving Sector, scoring 5,390.88 on the Hickory Productivity Index.