The Republic of San Montagna is a colossal, efficient nation, ruled by Prime Minister Giorgio Cavallo with an even hand, and notable for its unlimited-speed roads, avowedly heterosexual populace, and frequent executions. The hard-nosed, humorless, devout population of 8.178 billion San Montagnans have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and take part in free and open elections, although not too often.

The medium-sized, corrupt government juggles the competing demands of Education, Defense, and Administration. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Sabazio. The average income tax rate is 70.1%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient San Montagnan economy, worth a remarkable 1,922 trillion Lires a year, is fairly diversified and mostly comprised of black market activity, especially in Arms Manufacturing, Information Technology, Beef-Based Agriculture, and Furniture Restoration. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is an amazing 235,040 Lires, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.3 times as much as the poorest.

Pulling weeds is seen as a threat to national security, vital intelligence-gathering activities are put on hold as agents return home for seduction training and advanced poker instruction, newlywed misogynists complain about their wives keeping their maiden names, and a recent political debate came to a quick close once the ruling party decreed it was "just plain silly". Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. San Montagna's national animal is the Cool animal, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Catholicism.

San Montagna is ranked 232,175^th in the world and 150^th in The Western Isles for Fattest Citizens, with 5.25 Obesity Rate.