The Protectorate of Paffnia is a gargantuan, genial nation, ruled by Aleksandar Vekili with a fair hand, and notable for its lack of airports, restrictive gun laws, and devotion to social welfare. The compassionate, democratic, cheerful, devout population of 26.494 billion Paffniacs are free to do what they want with their own bodies, and vote for whomever they like in elections; if they go into business, however, they are regulated to within an inch of their lives.

The government — a sprawling, bureaucracy-choked, socially-minded, outspoken morass — juggles the competing demands of Education, Welfare, and Healthcare. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Skoptopolis. The income tax rate is 100%.

The all-consuming Paffniac economy, worth a remarkable 5,723 trillion paffnars a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector, which is highly specialized, is mostly made up of the Book Publishing industry, with major contributions from Tourism and Information Technology. Average income is an amazing 216,046 paffnars, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Anti-government web sites are springing up, 'The Anti-Government Hour' is a popular programme on many of Paffnia's radio stations, artists are renowned for their ability to make art pieces out of thin air, and the reams of paperwork accompanying any electronic item are a recognised contributor to national deforestation. Crime is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Paffnia's national animal is the llama, which is also the nation's favorite main course.

Paffnia is ranked 303,871^st in the world and 1,099^th in 10000 Islands for Fattest Citizens, with 0.99 Obesity Rate.