The Whistler of Pade Kistler is a massive, safe nation, notable for its avowedly heterosexual populace, frequent executions, and stringent health and safety legislation. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical population of 3.388 billion Pade Kistlerians are highly moralistic and fiercely conservative, in the sense that they tend to believe most things should be outlawed. People who have good jobs and work quietly at them are lauded; others are viewed with suspicion.

The medium-sized, moralistic government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Administration, and Law & Order. The average income tax rate is 31.8%.

The very strong Pade Kistlerian economy, worth 220 trillion golds a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Uranium Mining industry, with major contributions from Woodchip Exports, Beef-Based Agriculture, and Arms Manufacturing. State-owned companies are common. Average income is 64,941 golds, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 3.7 times as much as the poorest.

Stranded mountaineers can watch livestreamed footage of their rescues, doctors spend more time writing sick notes than caring for the sick, a cyber-war between file sharers and the music industry formats hard drives across the country, and the government baselessly accuses foreign dignitaries of being assassins. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Pade Kistler's national animal is the wolf, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation.

Pade Kistler is ranked 313,938^th in the world and 529^th in The Blades for Most Patriotic, with 0.98 flags saluted per person per day.