The Democratic Republic of Old Can is a massive, efficient nation, remarkable for its pith helmet sales, irreverence towards religion, and stringent health and safety legislation. The hard-nosed population of 4.977 billion Old Canians have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and take part in free and open elections, although not too often.

The medium-sized government juggles the competing demands of Healthcare, Administration, and Defense. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of New Can. The average income tax rate is 55.1%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The powerhouse Old Canian economy, worth 498 trillion ralloDs a year, is fairly diversified and led by the Tourism industry, with major contributions from Book Publishing, Arms Manufacturing, and Door-to-door Insurance Sales. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an impressive 100,188 ralloDs, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Even God cannot save you in Old Can, the Department of Reduction of Bureaucratic Red Tape has set up a working committee to investigate its own excessive paperwork, citizens living in underground cities have developed a healthy green glow, and prolonged government investigations are a common revenge tactic among spurned significant others. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Old Can's national animal is the Blobfish, which frolics freely in the nation's sparkling oceans.

Old Can is ranked 39,283^rd in the world and 196^th in Europeia for Lowest Crime Rates, with 78 law-abiding acts per hour.