The Imperatoria of New Owningland is a gargantuan, orderly nation, ruled by Imperator Valerius with an iron fist, and notable for its public floggings, pith helmet sales, and parental licensing program. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless population of 36.242 billion New Owninglandians are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The relatively small, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government is effectively ruled by the Department of Defense, although Healthcare and Industry are also considered important, while Social Policy and Environment receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Laurus Ardens. The average income tax rate is 66.5%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient New Owninglandian economy, worth an astonishing 25,616 trillion Ciceroes a year, is broadly diversified and mostly comprised of black market activity, especially in Arms Manufacturing, Uranium Mining, Automobile Manufacturing, and Information Technology. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is a breathtaking 706,826 Ciceroes, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.7 times as much as the poorest.

Military service is compulsory, petitioners are increasingly resorting to climbing through Imperator Valerius's window to draw attention to their issues, military spending is on the increase, and the Flying Fatfvck is believed to be extinct. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, despite the fact that it is difficult to make it through a day without breaking one of the country's many laws. New Owningland's national animal is the Flying Fatfvck, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Imperator Worship.

New Owningland is ranked 252,555^th in the world and 6^th in Command and Conquer Universe for Highest Drug Use, scoring 4.6 on the Pineapple Fondness Rating.