The Red Joint Commonwealth of Mallesia is a massive, socially progressive nation, ruled by Prime Assistant Adamantia Gregorioy with a fair hand, and remarkable for its ban on automobiles, anti-smoking policies, and pith helmet sales. The compassionate, hard-working, democratic population of 2.968 billion Mallesoures hold their civil and political rights very dear, although the wealthy and those in business tend to be viewed with suspicion.

The large, liberal, outspoken government juggles the competing demands of Education, Administration, and Industry. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Marsalia. The average income tax rate is 79.0%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Mallesian economy, worth 387 trillion Gold Malleons a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector, which is fairly diversified, is dominated by the Information Technology industry, with significant contributions from Tourism, Book Publishing, and Beef-Based Agriculture. Average income is an impressive 130,662 Gold Malleons, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Criminals lock themselves in their mums' basements to avoid prison, films are funded in accordance with the volume of tears shed when reading the screenplay, gift baskets often contain working nukes, and the nation is cleaning up after a national night of celebration left most people with headaches and dim memories (Mallesia has found 4 easter eggs). Crime is totally unknown. Mallesia's national animal is the Zombie Barberi Lion, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Lol no.

Mallesia is ranked 25,546^th in the world and 104^th in Europe for Highest Drug Use, scoring 106 on the Pineapple Fondness Rating.