The Holy Pâtissier of Linguiniland is a colossal, environmentally stunning nation, ruled by Princess Turdina with a fair hand, and renowned for its keen interest in outer space, punitive income tax rates, and stringent health and safety legislation. The compassionate, democratic population of 9.299 billion Linguinilandians enjoy a sensible mix of personal and economic freedoms, while the political process is open and the people's right to vote held sacrosanct.

The large government juggles the competing demands of Education, Healthcare, and Industry. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Mewni. The average income tax rate is 90.3%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Linguinilandian economy, worth a remarkable 1,224 trillion Dragon Scaleses a year, is quite specialized and led by the Information Technology industry, with significant contributions from Tourism, Book Publishing, and Trout Farming. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is an impressive 131,713 Dragon Scaleses, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Citizens are regularly found digging for treasure in their gardens, schools have extensive counseling programs for troubled students, excessive wheelchair ramps on government buildings have been compared to theme park attractions, and the military has grudgingly released all top secret information in an effort for greater transparency. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Linguiniland's national animal is the Pink Fairy Armadillo, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies, and its national religion is Aupheliaism.

Linguiniland is ranked 256,876^th in the world and 12,279^th in the South Pacific for Highest Crime Rates, with 1.8 crimes per hour.