The Golden Empire of Kratistolies is a gargantuan, orderly nation, ruled by The Primarch with an iron fist, and renowned for its national health service, smutty television, and devotion to social welfare. The compassionate, cynical, cheerful population of 21.515 billion Kratosians are ruled with an iron fist by the dictatorship government, which ensures that no-one outside the party gets too rich. In their personal lives, however, citizens are relatively unoppressed; it remains to be seen whether this is because the government genuinely cares about its people, or if it hasn't gotten around to stamping out civil rights yet.

The large, corrupt, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Education, Administration, and Defense. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Kallipolis. The income tax rate is 100%.

The frighteningly efficient Kratosian economy, worth a remarkable 9,689 trillion Drachmas a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector is led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Tourism, Book Publishing, and Arms Manufacturing. Average income is an amazing 450,374 Drachmas, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Left-wing militias train children how to properly burn down banks, becoming a missionary is a sure-fire route to martyrdom, young and brooding teens are welcomed with open arms to the Dogwarts School of Strangeness and Sorcery, and children spend all morning taking out a comma and all afternoon putting it back in again. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Kratistolies's national animal is the Dragon, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies, and its national religion is Atheistic State Worship.

Kratistolies is ranked 42^nd in the world and 3^rd in Lazarus for Lowest Crime Rates, with 334.78 law-abiding acts per hour.