The Empire of Koalan is a massive, safe nation, ruled by Empress Delilah with an iron fist, and notable for its lack of airports, frequent executions, and irreverence towards religion. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless population of 1.481 billion Koalas are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The large, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government is primarily concerned with Defense, with Law & Order, Administration, and Education also on the agenda, while International Aid and Welfare are ignored. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Koalaville. The average income tax rate is 66.3%.

The strong Koalanian economy, worth 111 trillion Cliks a year, is highly specialized and led by the Trout Farming industry, with major contributions from Arms Manufacturing, Beef-Based Agriculture, and Retail. Black market activity is rampant. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is 75,219 Cliks, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 4.0 times as much as the poorest.

The "walk of shame" is now a daily public spectacle, politicians look weirdly alike, the best fashion comes straight to the high street from sweatshops all across the globe, and the alarmingly racist TV show 'Bigtopians Say the Darndest Things' is a hit. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Koalan's national animal is the eagle, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies, and its national religion is Koalanity.

Koalan is ranked 24,742^nd in the world and 2^nd in Appalcadia for Most Extreme, scoring 34.29 on the Paul-Nader Subjective Decentrality Index.