The Armed Republic of Keltische is a colossal, orderly nation, ruled by Walter Kelt with an iron fist, and notable for its deadly medical pandemics, free-roaming dinosaurs, and irreverence towards religion. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless population of 6.902 billion Keltischeans are ruled with an iron fist by the dictatorship government, which ensures that no-one outside the party gets too rich. In their personal lives, however, citizens are relatively unoppressed; it remains to be seen whether this is because the government genuinely cares about its people, or if it hasn't gotten around to stamping out civil rights yet.

The medium-sized, corrupt, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Education, and Administration. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Sprague City. The average income tax rate is 94.2%.

The frighteningly efficient Keltischean economy, worth a remarkable 2,427 trillion ounces a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is an enormous, deeply entrenched, fairly diversified black market in Arms Manufacturing, Information Technology, Retail, and Beef-Based Agriculture. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is an amazing 351,649 ounces, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

The military patrols the streets in search of possible secessionists, Keltische is increasingly belligerent on the international stage, veterans in wheelchairs are left waist-deep in rice paddies to gather grain, and exorbitant spending on icebreakers breaks the ice at every budget meeting. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown. Keltische's national animal is the wombat, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Science.

Keltische is ranked 256,350^th in the world and 1,807^th in The Communist Bloc for Healthiest Citizens, with 0.46 bananas ingested per day.