The Unfortunate Circumstances of Jughead Jones is a colossal, efficient nation, ruled by Jughead Jones with an iron fist, and notable for its closed borders, aversion to nipples, and smutty television. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless population of 5.965 billion Southsiders are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The enormous, corrupt, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Administration, Education, and Industry. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Southside. The average income tax rate is 80.0%.

The frighteningly efficient Southsider economy, worth 874 trillion Dollars a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is an enormous, deeply entrenched black market in Retail, Book Publishing, Uranium Mining, and Soda Sales. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is an impressive 146,670 Dollars, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 3.1 times as much as the poorest.

Faking deafness is the only way to guarantee a holiday in the nation, the roads are notorious throughout the region for their peril, aeroplanes have been converted into housing units after all air travel was outlawed, and the seventh son of a seventh son is fated to be a millionaire. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Jughead Jones's national animal is the Serpent, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation, and its national religion is Pop Tate-ism.

Jughead Jones is ranked 117,916^th in the world and 8^th in Riverdale for Largest Pizza Delivery Sector, scoring 1,058.64 on the Pepperoni Propulsion Productivity Index.