The Unfortunate Circumstances of Jughead Jones is a colossal, efficient nation, ruled by Jughead Jones with an iron fist, and remarkable for its keen interest in outer space, free-roaming dinosaurs, and stringent health and safety legislation. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless population of 9.823 billion Southsiders are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The enormous, corrupt, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Administration, Education, and Industry. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Southside. The average income tax rate is 81.8%.

The frighteningly efficient Southsider economy, worth a remarkable 1,576 trillion Dollars a year, is fairly diversified and mostly comprised of black market activity, especially in Retail, Book Publishing, Uranium Mining, and Soda Sales. Average income is an impressive 160,445 Dollars, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 3.3 times as much as the poorest.

The government has implemented minimum wage laws, balaclava manufacturers are held criminally culpable for bank heists, lion-reed-vulture-hand-reed-mouth is how Jughead Jones is spelt now, and mountain rescue missions can end with more people lost than found. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Jughead Jones's national animal is the Serpent, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation, and its national religion is Pop Tate-ism.

Jughead Jones is ranked 38,312^th in the world and 1^st in Riverdale for Lowest Crime Rates, with 78.39 law-abiding acts per hour.