The August Bastion of Jaegerpondonia is a huge, cultured nation, ruled by Jaeger Sylva with an even hand, and renowned for its museums and concert halls, smutty television, and free-roaming dinosaurs. The hard-nosed, hard-working, devout population of 764 million Jaegerpondonians have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and take part in free and open elections, although not too often.

The medium-sized government prioritizes Defense, although Industry, Education, and Healthcare are also considered important, while Social Policy is ignored. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Sylvania. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 37.7%.

The frighteningly efficient Jaegerpondonian economy, worth 100 trillion bits a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Arms Manufacturing, Retail, and Tourism. Average income is an impressive 131,292 bits, with the richest citizens earning 6.9 times as much as the poorest.

Funerals are often rudely interrupted by juggling clowns shouting for volunteers from the audience, tradesmen will knock 10% off their fees if customers pay cash, feeling like a winner comes at a price, and shaken martini sales have soared in nations surrounding Jaegerpondonia. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown. Jaegerpondonia's national animal is the Earth Pony, which is also the nation's favorite main course.

Jaegerpondonia is ranked 155,576^th in the world and 936^th in 10000 Islands for Highest Drug Use, scoring 53.2 on the Pineapple Fondness Rating.