The Grand Duchy of Golden Towers is a huge, efficient nation, ruled by CEO Doug Dimmadome with an iron fist, and remarkable for its teetotalling pirates, prohibition of alcohol, and compulsory military service. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless, devout population of 993 million Golden Towersians are ruled with an iron fist by the corrupt, dictatorship government, which oppresses anyone who isn't on the board of a Fortune 500 company. Large corporations tend to be above the law, and use their financial clout to gain ever-increasing government benefits at the expense of the poor and unemployed.

The relatively small, corrupt, moralistic, pro-business, well-organized government prioritizes Defense, with Industry, Law & Order, and Spirituality also on the agenda, while Welfare and Social Policy aren't funded at all. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Golden Rod. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 13.1%.

The frighteningly efficient Golden Towersian economy, worth 147 trillion Dollars a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with major contributions from Retail, Gambling, and Uranium Mining. Black market activity is frequent. Average income is an impressive 148,991 Dollars, but there is a vast disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 1,357,571 per year while the poor average 1,833, a ratio of 740 to 1.

The police double as repo men, dessert dishes make up the Golden Towersian breakfast menu, roosters that herald the rising sun are immediately sent to the slaughterhouse, and women complaining about lack of opportunity are told to "man up". Crime, especially youth-related, is relatively low, thanks to a capable police force. Golden Towers's national animal is the Shark, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to heavy metals seepage into national waterways.

Golden Towers is ranked 303,062^nd in the world and 18,564^th in Chicken overlords for Most Secular, with 4.75 Atheism Rate.