The Giraffe Constituent of Giraffestead is a massive, efficient nation, renowned for its pith helmet sales, strictly enforced bedtime, and avowedly heterosexual populace. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 4.997 billion Giraffesteadians are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The enormous, corrupt, moralistic, socially-minded, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Law & Order, and Industry. The average income tax rate is 76.6%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Giraffesteadian economy, worth 526 trillion Giraffereums a year, is quite specialized and mostly comprised of black market activity, especially in Arms Manufacturing, Woodchip Exports, Retail, and Uranium Mining. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an impressive 105,401 Giraffereums, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.7 times as much as the poorest.

Commercial ships often report keel and hull damage from coral reef impacts, unemployment is through the roof after the government enacted living wage laws, the sound of wooden legs echo throughout Giraffestead after the recent introduction of the Foot Tax, and children are seen fighting in the playground for bread scraps that fall out of diamond-encrusted lunchboxes. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Giraffestead's national animal is the Giraffe, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests.

Giraffestead is ranked 90,416^th in the world and 24^th in The Giraffe Federation for Lowest Crime Rates, with 67.13 law-abiding acts per hour.