The Free Land of Eastern Apalstan is a massive, socially progressive nation, ruled by Sir Does-Nothing-A-Lot with a fair hand, and renowned for its ritual sacrifices, frequent executions, and flagrant waste-dumping. The hard-nosed, hard-working, democratic, devout population of 2.337 billion Eastern Apalstanians live in a state of perpetual fear, as a complete breakdown of social order has led to the rise of order through biker gangs.

The minute, corrupt, liberal, pro-business, outspoken government, or what there is of one, juggles the competing demands of Administration, Healthcare, and Industry. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of ApalVille. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 1.9%.

The all-consuming Eastern Apalstanian economy, worth 306 trillion ApalVs a year, is driven almost entirely by the private sector, which is broadly diversified and dominated by the Retail industry, with significant contributions from Soda Sales, Arms Manufacturing, and Uranium Mining. Average income is an impressive 131,306 ApalVs, but there is a large disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 680,962 per year while the poor average 13,718, a ratio of 49.6 to 1.

Businesses often fire workers in favour of cheaper automatic systems, prominent cultural symbols are featured on the backs of cereal boxes, the government's suicide hotline now redirects callers to local tax lawyers, and government officials sit helplessly as they are labelled 'Pompous Womples' by celebrities. Crime, especially youth-related, is all-pervasive, probably because of the absence of a police force. Eastern Apalstan's national animal is the Bulldog, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Money.

Eastern Apalstan is ranked 113,840^th in the world and 5,102^nd in The North Pacific for Smartest Citizens, with 31.35 quips per hour.