The Empire of Crawlisle is a colossal, efficient nation, ruled by His Omniscient Excellence with an iron fist, and renowned for its deadly medical pandemics, zero percent divorce rate, and ban on automobiles. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless population of 5.509 billion Crawleans are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The relatively small, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Law & Order, and Industry. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Kosisyta. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 9.8%.

The all-consuming Crawlislean economy, worth 757 trillion gelds a year, is broadly diversified and dominated by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with significant contributions from Retail, Uranium Mining, and Woodchip Exports. Black market activity is rampant. Average income is an impressive 137,562 gelds, but there is a large disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 630,336 per year while the poor average 18,250, a ratio of 34.5 to 1.

Renaissance frescos are being chiselled off public walls, the government is suspected of mass disappearing dissidents both at home and abroad, the holiday spirit must not be taken to the max, and foreign militias and child smuggling rings will always love His Omniscient Excellence. Crime is a serious problem, perhaps because of the country's complete lack of prisons. Crawlisle's national animal is the panther, which is also the nation's favorite main course.

Crawlisle is ranked 332,545^th in the world and 5,188^th in The East Pacific for Most Pacifist, with 3.91 cheeks turned per day.