The Armed Republic of Celtician is a gargantuan, environmentally stunning nation, ruled by Donn with an iron fist, and renowned for its strictly enforced bedtime, state-planned economy, and prohibition of alcohol. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 25.411 billion Celts are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The large, corrupt, moralistic, socially-minded, well-organized government is primarily concerned with Defense, although Education and Industry are also considered important. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Tech Duinn. The income tax rate is 100%.

The frighteningly efficient Celticianian economy, worth an astonishing 21,932 trillion Oricalcums a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is an enormous, deeply entrenched, broadly diversified black market in Arms Manufacturing, Information Technology, Book Publishing, and Uranium Mining. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is a breathtaking 863,115 Oricalcums, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Athletes are renowned for being the best at maths, the police are tightening their grip on alcohol smugglers, the navy is chrome-plating its battleships to prevent rust, and soldiers are taught to throw their guns at their enemies once the bullets have run out. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Celtician's national animal is the Wolf, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is The Order of Donn.

Celtician is ranked 300,965^th in the world and 10,223^rd in Lazarus for Fattest Citizens, with 3.58 Obesity Rate.