The Awfully Antagonistic Autarch of Auphelia is a colossal, efficient nation, ruled by The Mother of Exiles with a fair hand, and notable for its ritual sacrifices, state-planned economy, and otherworldly petting zoo. The compassionate, democratic population of 6.93 billion huddled masses are free to do what they want with their own bodies, and vote for whomever they like in elections; if they go into business, however, they are regulated to within an inch of their lives.

The medium-sized, liberal, outspoken government juggles the competing demands of Education, Industry, and Environment. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of The Golden Door. The average income tax rate is 69.2%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient huddled mass economy, worth a remarkable 1,009 trillion Old World Pomps a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector is led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Tourism, Book Publishing, and Cheese Exports. Average income is an impressive 145,658 Old World Pomps, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Huddled mass tourists are encouraged to hand out spare condoms to locals while on vacation, enemy navies sail within bombardment range of major coastal cities with impunity, psychiatrists bizarrely accompany The Mother of Exiles to meetings with foreign heads of state, and the doctor has cold hands. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown. Auphelia's national animal is the Unicorn, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests.

Auphelia is ranked 35,946^th in the world and 1,650^th in the South Pacific for Largest Trout Fishing Sector, scoring 4,689.32 on the Nemo Depletion Efficiency Index.