The Serene Republic of AlpacaGardens is a colossal, cultured nation, ruled by The Shepherd with a fair hand, and renowned for its compulsory vegetarianism, anti-smoking policies, and hatred of cheese. The compassionate, democratic, cheerful population of 9.858 billion Gardenias are free to do what they want with their own bodies, and vote for whomever they like in elections; if they go into business, however, they are regulated to within an inch of their lives.

The large, liberal, outspoken government juggles the competing demands of Education, Environment, and Healthcare. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Camelid Sanctum. The average income tax rate is 78.4%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient AlpacaGardenian economy, worth a remarkable 1,174 trillion Hay Bales a year, is highly specialized and led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Book Publishing and Tourism. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an impressive 119,190 Hay Bales, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Document forgery is a critical skill for would-be politicians, kindergartners' favourite dance move is the stop-drop-and-roll, citizens who use the word "Violet" incorrectly find their WhoTube content taken down, and the government is deliberately installing bloatware onto computers. Crime is totally unknown. AlpacaGardens's national animal is the Alpaca, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests.

AlpacaGardens is ranked 23,102^nd in the world and 1,500^th in Osiris for Lowest Crime Rates, with 87.31 law-abiding acts per hour.